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please help!! i dont no what 2 do with 2 of my step children!!!! my partners 2 youngest daughters live with us, one is 4 and one is 8. both girls lie, dont do as there told mainly the 4 yr old, they back chat, 4yrold stamps her feet on the walls and uses pen/pencel/texter to draw on the walls, both steal etc i have tried grounding and sending to room with the 8yr old and sending the 4yr old to her room and rarly tapping her hand. i feel like a bad partner!!

nothing is working i have even tried taking there fav things away as punishment then all belongings but clothes and bedding. the father wont disipline his 4yr old but will disapline is 2 older girls and my 3yrold daughter and beleives his daughter does no wrong. his 8yr old constantlly forgets things and chucks trantrums and says i do everything around here when i ask her to do some thing WITCH IS RARLY I ASK. i dont feel right about smacking his youngest and i no he and his ex wouldnt aprove but im at my witts end. its getting to the point that i dont want his 4yr old here more then the 8yrold.



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Asked by Anonymous at 5:21 AM on Jun. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • I hear u. Do you have children of your own? If u don't, u r in a very bad position. Seriously speaking though I don't know what has gone on in these girls lives they sound seriously disturbed, like emotionally or psychologically. Where is their mom? This sounds extremely serious for u to handle alone.

    Answer by milmiracle at 6:01 AM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • there mum is a low life drug addicted alcholic. that has going on 6 kids and lives in a rundown 3bedroom house in a bad nabiorhood. me and my partner got the 3 girls in jan this yr, the oldest is serprising good and the to younger ones were at the start( well i thought it was just the transition) the were hardly showered always had nits there clothes were all to small the house is always filthy and there mum never still to this day cant surport her kids only her drug and acohol habbit. she is with a guy that hits her and she trys to kill herself when intoxicated and physically fights with her partner infront of the kids. she is around 8 weeks pg again with her 6th to a 3rd father.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:11 AM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • oh and yes i have a 3yrold daughter

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:12 AM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • Sounds like mabey the girls need some counseling to learn how to deal with life in general. They have been threw a very hard life. They have been with you really for a small portion of there life.

    How involved was dad before getting the kids? Did he have visitations/pay child support? Or were the kids taken from the only home they knew to live with strangers? Doesnt matter if your home is better. They were taken from the only home they knew. That in itself is a true hardship.

    You really have no right to hit anyone elses children. There are other ways to discipline and teach right from wrong. Perhaps parenting classed to help you learn how to parent without hurting physically. (I dont mean that in a bad way). Sounds like your stressed with your hands full. Learning constructive ways to deal with the kids may be a good thing for you.

    Where is dad? Why are you dealing with his children?

    Answer by mistynights234 at 7:23 AM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • if u have read my blog correctlly i dont hit my partners children i have exausted every other option in disapline and i dont need parenting classes i am a mother myself and i am a good mother. dad is at work most of the time and dad had seen kids everyweek but could not take them fulltime as his living situation wasnt a sutible inviroment, but im not saying there mothers place was a better inviroment either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:39 AM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • he also paid more then the min child surport each WEEK

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 AM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • I did read your journal. I beg to differ. You did say " rarly tapping her hand. " and "i dont feel right about smacking his youngest and i no he and his ex wouldnt aprove". Which led me to believe you were "smacking" these kids. There is nothing wrong with getting parenting classes. I did not mean that in a derogatory manner.

    I was also  asking if the childrens kids had a relationship with there father. Or were they taken from the only home they knew. It sounds like these girls have been threw a very hard life. They would benefit from some counseling to learn how to constructively deal with anger and disappointment.  It also sounds like you are the main parent.  There is also nothing wrong with getting help if you need it.  Parenting is a very hard job.


    Answer by mistynights234 at 7:58 AM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • i have never smacked these kids unless it it a gentle tap on the hand with his youngest witch i do with my daughter as well and its a very rare occation. as i said before dad had seen kids everyweek. i have been pushing for conceling for kids since jan but mother wont let them, i asked for diff ways to disapline them without phisiclly hurting them. so if u dont mind some diff ideas other then whats stated would be helpful

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:25 AM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • and yes they have always had a relationship with there father, someone had to look after them b4 he left his ex

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 AM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • These girls are under extreme stress and likely suffer from emotional trauma if the situation is as bad as you describe. They need counseling and therapy to help them work through everything. The father (sounds like you're not married, so you probably don't have any legal muscle) can likely work with the school district, especially for the older girl. Otherwise, you need to see if you can contact any counselors or therapists - go through Child Services if you need to and see what resources are available. If the situation is as bad as you describe, they should be involved anyways to get the children the help they need, regardless of what the parents want (or don't). This is not about your parenting or discipline - it's about the girls being in an emotionally and physically traumatic childhood and they need more than just good parenting - they need professional help.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 11:48 AM on Jun. 1, 2009

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