This question is sparked by another one that was asked yesterday about relationship issue with a CM's mother.
At what level of toxicity or abuse would you cut a family member out of your life? What would be the conditions in which you would let them back in your life?
I've seen some responses of cut her out until she gets her act together and some of it's your mother, you HAVE to try to work things out.
I'm on the fence about letting my mother back into my life ( for more info on my back story, my Journal post "Emotional Nesting" describes it all).
The issues I have stem from childhood, but I have had very sporadic
contact with her as an adult. And when I have had contact and pursued having a relationship and working things out, I've always gotten the response of "this is your problem and your issues, I'm not sorry for what I did, you need to get over it".
What's your advice?
To the others that answered, is there any conditions in which you would allow the person that you've cut out of your life, back in? Or, because of their level of toxicity or lack of remorse, unwillingness to change, are they out, forever?
At what level do you cut someone out forever?
My mother had been out of my life for two or three years about 12 years ago when I gave her another chance, and honestly I really wish I hadn't. We rode the crazy coaster for almost 9 years before I cut her out, this time for good. It hit me that this wasn't someone I could ever have a healthy relationship with, and that I didn't want my children to EVER think that a mother could act that way to her children. There is no way I would let her back in our lives, under any conditions or circumstances. We're done.
Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 11:44 PM on Jun. 2, 2009
Answer by 2barnettkids at 11:51 AM on Jun. 1, 2009
Answer by dawpea at 12:01 PM on Jun. 1, 2009
Answer by mizkaye at 12:12 PM on Jun. 1, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Jun. 1, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Jun. 1, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Jun. 1, 2009
Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 1:43 PM on Jun. 1, 2009
Answer by CinderAmethyst at 1:58 PM on Jun. 1, 2009
Cinder, do you believe that disowning and cutting someone out is cold-hearted and uncaring in instances like extreme abuse ( both physical and emotional), molestation, neglect and endangering you and/or your children? Or is that reserved for annoying and controlling behavior or not being a nurturing parent?
Would you apply it to someone that refuses to uphold boundaries you've set for yourself and your family ( family being your DH and children)?
I guess I'm kind of wondering what your personal experiences are and what has brought you to the conclusion you have made.
Answer by nwdeserangel at 4:15 PM on Jun. 1, 2009