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would you stay with someone if they did not like the way you looked?

So my husband told me last night in a heated arugement that if i got another tattoo or another piercing that i could leave because he was not going to be married to anyone that was trashy. he believes that people with tattoo are associated with drugs and gangs and that i look like i have branded myself. our marrige isnt the best but i love my husband even though he has a small box in which he thinks inside of. my husband asked me if i would have still choosen the tattoo if i knew it was going to cause trouble in our marriage and i still would have gotten it. i have thought about this for a long time and it is a small one with three letters (one for each of my sons) it is hid by my shirt and not out in the open....what do you think about this????

 
Momof3Squirts

Asked by Momof3Squirts at 2:36 PM on Jun. 1, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

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Answers (12)
  • Anyone who can not accept you for who you are on the inside (especially when he KNOWS what kind of person you are) is not worth hanging onto, IMO. It sounds like he is trying to control you and make you fit HIS idea of what a wife and mother "should" look like.

    The marriage is important, but you have to ask yourself what kind of marriage is it when he doesn't love you for you? And if you want your children to think its ok to judge someone by their appearance...

    I hope you can figure something out...Good luck!
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 2:43 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • thats bullshit.
    i have tattoo's and piercings, so does my husband. he is a mlitary man with service in iraq, im ex military veteran. we have a very happy toddler, a happy clean home, we have taco night and like to eat ice cream lol. we dont affiliate with gangs nor do i rspect them, we dont do drugs or party or any of that bs. he is very judgemental .....and closed minded...and ignorant.

    he needs to accept you for YOU. anyone who judges me because i have piercings and tattoo's, is only proving he is ignorant and judgemental. same for him/you.
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 2:42 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • He had a hissy about a tiny tattoo? First off it is your body and second....it's your body. Tattoos are an art form and not just anyone can be a tattoo artist. Most tattoos tell a story of something that has significance to the owner of said tattoo.  A lot of thought goes into getting one. 

    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:43 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • i had a christian come up to me once and tell me my seraphim angel tattoo was gorgeous and inspiring........then she whispered "but you know that is sinful?" im gonna get one on my foot so no one knows at my church.
    i was like wow....if you want a tattoo of an angel, why hide it? why let judgemental people put you down like that.

    be who you are..................sometimes we sacrifice for our marriage.....but you dont sacrifice yourself
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 2:47 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • I think there is more going on inside his head then he's letting on and he's using the tattoo as an excuse.

    In answer to the main question...no, if I was being put down or criticized for how I looked or dressed,etc. I would not put up with it. No matter how much I loved him. I might not go straight for divorce but Id definately get us into seperate spots and perhaps some counceling.

    There are some things Im willing to work on, like losing weight, if it makes him feel better about me. BUT, if he's being rude and calling me names(like fat ass,etc) or things of that nature...the weight wont be lost until his attitude changes. There is a difference between asking someone to lose weight because they are worried for someones health and they feel you will look and feel better and calling someone a fat ass or worse til the weight is gone.

    *Im using weight as the example but I think it can apply to most, if not all, situations
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 2:48 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • WOW sounds like maybe there are other issues hidden under the surface here. Tattoos and piercings are almost mainstream now, and considering it sounds as if you are not COVERED with tats I personally feel he is over-reacting. That being said, I have wanted tattoo(s) for a while. Until very recently my hubby was opposed to the idea and I respected his wishes. As I continued to talk about it, he realized that it was important to me, and we have agreed on a small one on my lower leg (to cover up a scar) and a large one out of public view on my lower and middle back. I DID get my nose pierced and second holes put in my ears w/o *permission*... LOL I am an adult after all! (Plus- piercings are less *permanent-and cheaper!! than tats). It is important to balance both people's wishes and needs/wants. Sounds as if your guys' *balance* is *off*... good luck...
    mtnmama111

    Answer by mtnmama111 at 2:51 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • Well my first thought is, what's he gonna say about that first gray hair, or those first crow's feet around your eyes. Is he gonna leave you because of those? If his opinion of you is based on your looks more than who and what you are, is he worth it?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • Was there any indication of this before you got married? Like is he the kind of guy who throws a fit when you cut your hair? Granted some people have very strong opinions about tats, but it seems weird that it would be only that.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 2:54 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • I think the issue is dh's lack of acceptance and attempt at control, not your tattoo. My dh doesn't like tattoos. I do. Before getting my tattoo I asked dh if he would mind. He said he would prefer I not get it done, but ultimately it was my body and my choice. I thought it over and got the tattoo. He never gave me a hard time. Likewise, I don't say anything about the fashion statements he chooses to make... some of which I think are less than flattering!

    The point is that many couples may not like something about the other's appearance, but love is supposed to go deeper than that. I know I've had haircuts that dh didn't like, I know dh is a lot heavier than he was when we married, I know I have stretchmarks from our three kids... doesn't matter a bit to either of us and I think that's how it should be. I would try to get to the bottom of the appearance/control issue because I think it will keep recurring.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 3:07 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • He has let you know that he doesn't care about what kind of wife, mother or person you are. He doesn't care about intelligence or morality. He only cares about appearance. It's up to you what you want to do. Me, I'd be GONE in a heartbeat.
    witchqueen

    Answer by witchqueen at 3:19 PM on Jun. 1, 2009