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Is this too harsh?

Long story short, my older brother who is 28 has custody of our younger siblings. I have posted questions before about them now I have another. My 13 year old sister is at my house a lot hanging out, which is not a problem to me. Problem is this weekend she got into some major trouble, snuck out from my brother and Sil house, hung out with friends, smoked and drank. I also found out that the past Friday she stole $70 from me out of my purse and one of my bracelets, and thats how she paid for her little "party" this weekend.
Well she has been grounded and on restriction now, well she called me and wants me to pick her up from school and wants to come do homework at my house and is whining that she shouldn't have been grounded in the first place. I told her no because I can't trust her. I told her I would pick her up, but I am dropping her straight at home, that she's not allowed at my house for now. Am I being too mean?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Jun. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • no i think your answer/reaction is correct. you arent shunning her cuzyou will pick her up but you are showing her you respect your brother's rules and that she cant play you against him. you arent too harsh, it just sucks to be mean but the other option is to be a doormat and it hurts to get stepped on so i wouldnt recommend that route obviously.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 5:56 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • No. She is not going to learn unless there are consequences from her actions. Being banned from the house of a family member that she stole from sounds reasonable. I would tell her that when she is no longer grounded, you guys can hang out again, but not at your house since you can no longer trust her not to steal from you. I would also tell her that if you were her daughter you would have called the police and reported her activities to them since they are illegal.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 4:32 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • No it is not too harsh. She needs to know there are consequences for bad choices. If I were your brother I would make her pay back the amount she stole from you as well. Even if it means cleaning up dog poop for a year. (it was the best I could come up with...sorry) She needs to understand that stealing is rotten and will lead her to a life in prison!

    Answer by Nathskitten at 4:33 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • She is 13..stole..had a party..snuck out. Uh, how would anything be "too mean"?

    If my 13y/o came anywhere close to any of that, I would spank him and ground him till I felt better and he acted like a Saint for awhile. That, IMO, is extremely inappropriate behavior for ANYONE, not just a 13y/o.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 4:34 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • I am PO'd when mine backtalks and has alittle attitude. I would probably blow smooth up if he did what she did.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 4:35 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • You are not being unreasonable. Did you make a point of letting her know EXACTLY why she wasn't permitted at your house? She needs to know that she betrayed your trust & will have to work to earn it back.

    Answer by eeyoreplus4 at 4:48 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • Good for you!
    No, you are not being too harsh. You are letting her know that you do not appreciate being used and you do not tolerate theft. To do anything else is to tell her it's OK to lie, cheat, and steal.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 5:09 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • Absolutely not. She needs to learn that it's not okay to steal from people and take advantage of them. She'll get over being grounded, you do the crime you do the time!

    Answer by atowers at 5:23 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • No I don't think it's too mean, she behaved horribly, and is just going to have to learn her lesson on this one. I agree with a pp, if I were your brother, she would be doing some major chores and working for you with his supervision to pay back the money and jewerly she stole from you.

    Answer by WishyClarkson at 5:36 PM on Jun. 1, 2009


    Answer by carliemarie1015 at 6:33 PM on Jun. 1, 2009