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I don't want to be his back-up plan!!

My baby's father and I have been in this on-again/off-again relationship for about a year now. He doesn't want me to date anyone else, but he has had a series of female friends that he SWEARS he didn't date or sleep with.

He becames friends with a girl he met online, and they are VERy close-text each other daily, talk on AIM and Yahoo Messenger, she visits him at his house at least twice per month (he lives with mother). They go out to eat, hang out with his family and friends, go to concerts, etc. She even invited him AND his mother to her college graduation ceremony this weekend! But, according to him, they are only friends.

I think she gets jealous when he's visiting my house to see the baby. Why would a "friend" be jealous?

He also let it slip that he sort of told her that he would think about having a relationship with her once she finished with college!! I asked him about it this weekend, and he (CONT)


Asked by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on Jun. 1, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Hmmm sounds like she is a friend with benefits! I think it is very unfair of him to say "I can have female friends but you can't have anything to do with any other man". I bet he would not like it if you told him 'you can't see that girl, go out to eat with her, or go to her graduation'. I think you need to tell him to piss off-- he is not your husband, he is not committed to you so he has no right to tell you how to live your life! You deserve someone who will treat you with respect, and be faithful to you- someone much better than this guy could ever try to be!

    Answer by MizLee at 10:33 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • CONT: denied it. Then he said he wasn't sure about his feelings for her, but he was in love with me, yada yada yada. I feel like the "back-up plan": someone he can run to if the relationship with this girl doesn't work out! He says that's not the case, but I think it is. He says he doesn't want me to date anyone else, and if I do, he won't speak to me anymore.

    What do you think?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:25 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • I think you've made your statement clear... You don't want to be a back up. Stand by this. Set him straight. If he doesn't want to obey YOUR RULES. You move on. Honey, you know what you want and deserve.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • Drop him. That sucks. You are his baby's mother and if he wants you to stay around for him then he needs to stop with the other ladies. It sounds like they are way more than friends.

    Answer by ajguinn at 8:30 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • I hate that on line off line bs men do.They are just fantasy women that are around one or two times a year. So of course they are all that. But put them in a steady real relationship and the cracks will start to show. Either Plan A or not. Not back up plan b necessary.

    Answer by bella69147 at 8:33 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • Agree with the first response. Get rid of him. Let him go to the other girl if he wants, you deserve to be treated better than that and so does your child.

    Answer by rio_burb at 8:53 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • he is not "just friends" with her dear, she is his primary girlfriend. I bet he doesnt know about you and if she did she would think he was cheating on HER. That sucks and tell him to get lost. that is not a man.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 9:36 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • OP

    Well all of the things we used to do together before the baby was born, he now does with HER. Everyone else think she's his girlfriend, but he still denies it, saying she's "just a friend".

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • Go on with your life. If you want to date someone, you do, and he stops talking to you, oh freakin well! You can't be at his beck and call. Not when he can have a close relationship with another female. That's simply unfair, and he really has no right to claim you like that. So, go on with your life. If you and him end up together in the end, then great! But if you don't date, and he ends up with this girl, you would have missed out on lots of great opportunities.

    Answer by Buffie95 at 10:38 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • You are asking questions when you already know the answer. Dump this clown. He's not going to marry you and if he did, he would still have "online friends". You have no commitment to this man. Find someone who actually cares about you for more than just a bedwarmer.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Jun. 1, 2009