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Do the kids come first or the husband?

I have a very hard time balancing the attention I give my husband and my children. My family and friends keep telling me I'm too wrapped up in the kids...I just don't know any other way to be...they're 2 & 4! I'm a super busy stay @ home mom. I'm in the process of starting a home based business, so it will be even more difficult. what do you guys think?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Jun. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • you're fine doing that. ages 2 and 4 do need a TON of attention. just don't forget the wonderful man who helped give those to you! lol
    Adeline1210

    Answer by Adeline1210 at 10:17 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • For me my husband came first so he comes first but not everything. What i mean by that is I still have date nights, good sex life, and we make time for each other. I have a 3 year old, attend college, stay home but my marriage has to be a priority. For example next month we are going away just us for 4 days. Yeah!
    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 10:22 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • My relationship with my hubby comes first. However, that isn't to say in a specific moment the kids may take priority. But hubby recognizes that and it's the same for him. We both know that our marriage is top priority and we make time for that. But because we have little ones that time can get interrupted or shortened depending on their needs.
    micheledo

    Answer by micheledo at 10:24 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • There are times when the kids will need more attention, and times when your hubby needs more of your attention. I think the more you over-analyze, the harder it will be. Also, if he helps out with the kids more, you will both be doing something together, with the kids involved AND that will leave you more time to spend with him. Sometimes it's just good to put in a funny kids movie that will keep their attention for a while, and spend some special time with hubby. Unless the kids go to bed early, then have special time. But really, you could do, umm..... for him. That won't take long and as long as the kids are otherwise preoccupied, it works out. He will be happy, really happy.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 10:24 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • I think that you definitely need to make time for just you two. A marriage doesn't function properly on it's own, it takes energy && constant work, to keep it going.
    HisMommySince07

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 10:25 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • I didn't really answer, did I? I just gave advice. I can't say for sure. I think he'd say the kids come first. But if something is wrong with me, then he has to take care of me first, before WE can take care of the kids. It's the same thing as you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of your kids. In a way, he comes first. Without him, how would money be made? Without him, where'd the kids come from? But, then you have the kids, and they need attention. I think they both come first, just not at the same time.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 10:27 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • There's a book on parenting by John Rosemond that says the relationship between the parents has to come first. You might want to look it up. But, take note, it's the RELATIONSHIP that gets priority, not the HUSBAND. Be sure both of you are putting time into it.
    whirlygirl

    Answer by whirlygirl at 10:35 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • at a point the loads of attention you give your children is shortened to pay more attention to your husband, at the moment i think that the kids need a lot of attention, but when they reach 5 that attention needs to start moving to your husband. if you give a child too much attention they'll always need it, from you or from anyone else. for now, the kids need you and later on, your husband is going to need you and you have to remember that your children need to learn to be without your attention and children learn more nad best at a young age. i know what happens to a child when they get too much attention, i've seen my cousin's children all five were given too much attention at a young age and she has cry babies, temper tantrames and just spoild children taht want everything and they don't understand why they can't have what they want. and my mother was no different, so i have the family knowledge, in my own way.
    sherlockhlm

    Answer by sherlockhlm at 10:39 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • cont... so the children need your attention, but at a point your husband will too, and for now you should give it to your children but you'll have to give their attention to your husband. so, they both should be your number ones.
    sherlockhlm

    Answer by sherlockhlm at 10:42 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • Can't you put business aside for a while? Get your house in order first. Get the kids in school and make sure your husband knows he's #1. THEN start your business ("self-fulfillment")
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

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