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2 or more children question?

Another question for having 2 or more children. I am so anxious to have a 2nd child. My husband and I are TTC. We have a beautiful almost 3 year old daughter. We love her with all of our heart. I'm not necessarily concerned about loving another child, because how couldn't you. My concern is actually feeling like I'm taking away from my daughter. I don't want her to feel like we are replacing her. I plan to include her and have her help us out with somethings. How did your older child/children feel? I know that sometimes the older ones feel jealous. I don't want our daughter to feel that way. Thanks for you answers in advance:)

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DAH02

Asked by DAH02 at 10:14 PM on Jun. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 3 (23 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I have 5 kids, and I can tell you that the sibling bickering can drive a person insane! LOL That being said, the older siblings always enjoyed the baby stage. They enjoyed helping and being involved in baby's care. Yes, there are times of jealousy, there are times of love, times of fun, and times of shared emotions.

    I was an only child. I was very lonely even though I had my parents' full attention. I think the gift of a sibling is a great thing! Your daughter will always have someone to commiserate and share with.
    michiganmom116

    Answer by michiganmom116 at 10:23 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • Involve her. Talk about how exciting it will be and what a special thing it is for the baby to have a big sister. Don't talk negatively about it in front of your child. I had a friend who talked to her daughter and told her, "I know it will be hard for you, I know you will be jealous, mommy will be spending less time with you," etc. Well no wonder the little girl is SO jealous of her sibling!! Just talk about the exciting things. I also have friends who have gotten the older sibling a gift from the baby and the baby "gives" it to the sibling in the hospital.
    micheledo

    Answer by micheledo at 10:28 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • I am pregnant with #4 and we always do the gift thing in the hospital too. Something new the baby gives them, that will keep them occupied for a few days at least that is a cool new toy and they arent so focused on mommy not being able to give all my attention to them. And make her your helper, involve her in anything you can to help with a new baby, throw diapers away, help give her a blanket, sing to her etc. I always make sure too that my husband and I take turns spending one on one with each of the kids several times a week. When we just had 2 it was daily, but as they grow up and we have more kids it becomes more baou tquality than quantity. Make sure if she ver tells you she needs attention (kids have ways of doing htis on their own) that you MAKE time to give it to her, do something special just you and her, even if it's just to the ice cream store and sit down to talk for a bit with all attention on her for an hour
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 10:50 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • u most def would not be taking away from her if anything u would be adding the best gift ever! a best friend for life! whether she has a little brother or sister she will feel the joy of growing up as a sibling instead of being by herself- dont worry shell be fine! my boys are used to having new additions cause my oldest was 9 months when i got preggo with my middle and my middle was 14 months when i got pregnant with my youngest and my youngest was 14 months when i got pregnant this time and he will be here at the end of the month- so i guess it just comes natural- once u have that second child its easy to get through the rough spots with ur first borns- good luck ttc and i hope everything goes well for u!
    lovelyli217

    Answer by lovelyli217 at 11:11 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

  • My oldest didn't care one way or the other when her brother was born. But she was only 15 months old. She thought he was a cool toy for the longest time. When our 3rd child was born she had just turned 2 and our son was 13 months. My son had a little jealousy but I think that was a personality thing because the 2 of them still fight constantly. When our 4th child was born the older kids were almost 6, 4 1/2 and 3 1/2. I never had any jealousy from any of them. My oldest was irritated that I expected her to help out with the baby (she has behavior problems that started to become noticeable at that time). The other two acted like she was a doll but loved to help out with her. I guess it helps that they there were 3 kids already. When I was busy with the baby they always had each other to play with and keep each other entertained.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 8:31 AM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • yes....the sibling rivalry can get bad!.....lol....but when they are loving on each other and taking care of each other.....your heart just melts!!!!......i was an only child too.....and yes....it gets very lonely.....even if you're good at entertaining yourself.....there are times you want someone to play with and no one is around......just keep your dd involved in the whole process.....take her to your sonogram appointment.....let her help with picking out baby stuff ask her opinion on names for the baby.....ask her if she wants a brother or a sister??.......i'm pregnant with my third baby and my kids (7 and 3) are very excited!

    bigblueeyes

    Answer by bigblueeyes at 10:03 AM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • There is always going to be some type of sibling rivalry...it's just normal. My oldest DD did very well when we brought home her little sister. We gave her a present at the hospital too since the baby was getting stuff. And we just constantly reminded her of how important she was and that she was mommy and daddy's big girl and helper. We are getting ready for our 3rd in September and she is really excited again...this time she understands more that there is a baby in my belly and asks every day if I am going to the hospital. My youngest doesn't really get it yet but does what her sister does and kisses my belly.
    NiahandAvasmama

    Answer by NiahandAvasmama at 10:43 AM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Love is not a matter of division but rather one of multiplication. Your love grows exponentially with each addition to your family. This new baby will be its own little person, different than the first. You will start to love your first for those differences. They are what makes her who she is. If you include her in the new baby's care and help her to know this is her baby too, she will not get jelous. Make sure you have time with her alone. Some of my kids are little, some teens, and some grown and on their own. I still have one on one time with them, it is an important part or our relationships. This is a concern a lot of women have when planning another baby. I think you will enjoy the new baby more than you know. You will be more relaxed this time around because you have done this before. I wish we could enjoy our firsts as much as the others, it is so much more relaxing the 2nd time around. Good luck.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:05 AM on Jun. 2, 2009

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