Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Closed adoptions

A question came to mind based on comments that came up in another question (regarding if you would continue with a "match" if you didn't like the expectant mom) as people referenced closing an adoption. Has anyone gone into an "open" adoption with every intention of closing it and if so why? And if you had every intention of wanting a closed adoption, why did you not pursue a match with an expectant mom who was looking for the same thing?

 
muptgirl

Asked by muptgirl at 11:24 AM on Jun. 2, 2009 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (36)
  • I find it appalling that anyone would go into an open adoption with the intention of closing it, much less admit that with no remorse. If you aren't prepared to keep the adoption open, you shouldn't agree to that in the first place. I'm not saying there aren't extreme circumstances that sometimes prevent the relationship from staying that way (although many are too quick to close it) but intentionally deceiving a woman in order to get her child is just wrong. I would absolutely not be so certain that this child is better off with parents who were willing to do so, nor would I think those people would be qualified to judge whether the birthmom is better off either. It's shameful and disgusting. People like that are the cause of many of the issues within the adoption system, and I would be very surprised if the child didn't have serious issues later in life.
    adoptionsc

    Answer by adoptionsc at 3:48 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • The thing that struck me from the beginning of this journey was the important of a "right fit" and to me that's not just the fit of the child but the fit of the expectant parent and the situation. If I didn't think a child of another race was the "right fit" for us, I would never list that as something I am open to. If you don't think an open adoption is a "right fit" why would someone say that is what they are open to? Is it just because that is the direction adoption is moving in and people are afraid that they won't be matched if they speak truthfully of wanting a closed adoption? I just have a hard time understanding that motivation and would like to understasnd this line of thought better.....
    muptgirl

    Answer by muptgirl at 11:26 AM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • I'm going anon here for obvious reasons.

    Yes, I have done that. I did that because I felt it was in the best interest of the children and the biological mother. I'm not going to disclose the details because of even more obvious reasons, but in the end, I did what I felt was best for my children and I have no regrets.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Anon 1038 I appreciate your honesty. To clarify, you said up front that it would be an open adoption but knew at that point that you would close it in the future for the best interest of the child and biological mother? Also, would you be willing to say if this was a domestic infant adoption or another situation?
    muptgirl

    Answer by muptgirl at 11:49 AM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Yes, and, domestic infant adoption.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Did you feel any guilt about lying upfront?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Nope! And I still don't feel guilty.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • You do understand that it's people like you who make the idea of open adoption a joke.
    miriamz

    Answer by miriamz at 12:49 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • To those who admitted to planning ahead on closing the adoption while promising an open one.....then you wonder why so many of us rally against domestic adoption in the first place. Wanna be parents like you should never have been allowed to adopt or even have bio kids. Best interest of the children my ass. It's all about YOUR best interest. People like you make me sick. And to hide behind Anon is even more cowardly.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 1:12 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Open adoption IS a joke. If anything pertaining to adoption is harmful, it is open adoption.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN