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blended family question

I am divorced and remarried. My new spouse has a child and I have a child from previous marriages. When talking about our future family, my spouse makes the statement that he would want me to have three more children with him so that he has a total of four. I have always wanted four children myself, however I thought since we have two already we only needed to have two more. Apparently my husband feels like he needs to make four children in order to have four children. My child calls him dad because his biological father has never been in the picture. Am I wrong to think he is excluding my child, from his need to have four children? Am I wrong to get my feelings hurt?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Jun. 2, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Does it have to be decided now? Can you just work on the first one and see how it goes? The more time you have together the more he may fell like you are all family.

    Answer by ria7 at 11:38 AM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Wow! Didn't you discuss this before marriage?

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:08 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • This is something that should have been hashed out BEFORE marriage. Having children has to be agreed upon by both parents. It's a lifelong commitment by both Mom and Dad. Of course he should count your child. grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 12:09 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • my hubby and i had thei descussion befor we were married... i told him since he already has 2 kids and i have one from a previuse relationship then i would have one more so in toatal we would have 4 kids....we dont seperat r kids his kids r my kids and my dd is his dd...i made that point VERY CLEAR befor we got married say if ur dh doesnt consider ur child his then id be looking else were bc sooner or later he's going to treat ur child different form his and its going to cause trouble.

    Answer by rainmommy at 12:14 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • i dont consider my SD to be my daughter... but we only have her EOW, i have 2 children and a step child, that is how i look at it.. now if she was here full time and i was an active parent i would call her my child....

    Answer by 2cuteboysrmine at 12:31 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • You are not wrong, it does appear he is excluding your child and it is okay to have your feelings hurt. You should also point this out to him now and begin working on the issue.

    My husband and I have been married almost 15 years and our children were always: yours, mine and ours. I always envied blended families that didn't appear to be blended, where all the kids called the parents Mom and Dad and each other "my sister" or "my brother". Unfortunately it didn't happen in our family and may not happen in yours. However, it doesn't mean that you can't raise a great bunch of kids regardless of the number.

    My daughter, the second to the youngest of our children, was recently married. While taking pictures after the wedding she said, "I want one with all my brothers"......this included her two step brothers and her half brother. They all happily obliged. Shocked the $#!* out of me.

    Answer by Dyndudes at 1:16 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Honestly, I think you are being a bit overly sensitive. This is not to say that I don't understand how you feel. I have three from my first marriage and he one from a previous relationship. We share two together. In all honesty before our sons were born my DH treated my three as his own. They were a bit older when we met so had to warm up to the idea of calling him Dad. I was still jelous of the fact that he had a DD with someone else. I was overly sensitive to anything he said or did that may even remotely exclude my children. That was my issue not his. I read a book called Blended Families and it helped a lot. My SD's Mother has welcomed our two sons as her DD's brothers. If he is talking about numbers I think it is just that. He wants 4 bio kids. I don't think he in any way means that your children are not his too. Talk to him, share how you are feeling, he may put your mind at ease.

    Answer by salexander at 1:57 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

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