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I am a first time stay at home mom of a 15 moth old...who the heck is supposed to pay for...

I am in an awkward position not working anymore (was an RN making my own salary). I love being home with our daughter and chose to do so but...I have no income now...who pays for my husbands birthday and christmas gifts, etc...I have a small savings and can't afford to go through any more of it. I find it awkward to have him pay for his own gifts. A little husband refused to have a joint account with me for the longest time. He never gave me a real reason except..."there is no reason for it."(this was even when I was working). He finally agreed to have a joint credit card since we have a child now and I am home but that took some coaxing. I do not use the card for anything that I want...I just go without things...I only use it for groceries and other neccessities. Hmmm...awkward, huh? Anyway, back to my original question...anyone with some advice?

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Asked by averys1mama at 7:19 PM on Jun. 2, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (17)
  • You have to make some money by yourself. Sell stuff on eBay or work on your computer, but you cannot expect him to pay for everything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • When you stay home... all money is family money, there is no more his and hers. I stayed home for 3 years and gifts were hard since he knew how much was spent, ect... just tell him you want to get his bday gift, see if he has input on the amount or what he may want and go from there. The first year staying home is the hardest... you will be fine!

    Answer by teampalmer4 at 7:22 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • well if you don't want to ask him for the spending money (in my house its our money not his money so ya the money he makes is what pays for his gifts but i've never thought of it as "his" money buying his present and hes never approached it like that i actually am the one to pay the bills etc, so he finds out from me how much spending money he has each payday. but if you don't want to use the card or ask him for money than you could try to make some money; babysit for a friend and ask if they can pay you, sell some old baby clothes or something like that

    Answer by vabchmommy at 7:23 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Save a little bit at a time out of the household budget if you want to buy him something but this is one reason I don't do gifts for adults. I think it's great for kids but what's the meaning as an adult? You show him your appreciation every day and how much he means to you so why buy a gift on certain days. Then again, if it's important to you discuss it with him. Ask him what you are supposed to do for things like that. Maybe he will open a Xmas account somewhere and give you the money from it or share it with you.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:26 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • First anon is DEF WRONG.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Anon: If she is a SAHM then she most certainly can expect for him to pay for everything.....crazy.

    Mom, remember you guys are adults, to stay at home sometimes you have to sacrifice, buy SMALL gifts, less that 20$. Use the check card or credit card.

    Or heck, make a gift, your babies handprints are priceless....make a card with his handprints.

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 7:27 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • If you are a sahm by the consensus of both of you, then he knew that his would be the only income. Obviously you are still going to need things beyond groceries, some new clothes now and then, a haircut, whatever. I think you need to talk to him about, well, basically an allowance. Some money that is up to your discretion as to how it is spent. If you blow it on a shopping spree so be it, if you save up for a great b-day present for him - so be it, if you light a match and burn it - so be it. If he balks at you having your own money, remind him of what you are saving on daycare costs, work related expenses for you (commute, etc), and what you are gaining by being home for your child. It is not fair that you go without things because you are not working, even if you are not bringing home a check, you are contributing to your household and deserve to have something for yourself.

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 7:29 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • It's your money too if you are staying home. That said, I like to surprise my hubby so I don't use the money directly from the account. I sell things on craigslist or eBay and save the money, I participate in a survey site and only do the minimum so I get about $20 a month from that and I save all of our spare change. I also pick out what I want to get him as gifts way ahead of time so I know exactly how much I need to save. Works out great for me.

    Answer by whittear at 7:30 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • I agree with a previous poster, when you're at home there is no more "yours" or "mine" everything is "ours." When I was at home, yes I bought my husbands gifts with "his" money, but it really wasn't just his. I was working just as hard as he was, I just wasn't getting paid. If you think about it this way, he makes money by working outside the home, and half of that is what he "pays" you to stay home. There is no more yours and mine, only ours. Yes, we scaled things way back when I was at home because the budget was tighter, and gifts were more things like a night out together rather than an object.

    Answer by l_to_the_e at 7:30 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • im a sahm and its our money when it was me and dhs anniversary i had his wedding band engraved forever it cost 20 bucks and he loved it. i also made him a home made card and he loved that almost as much because i took the time out of my busy day with cooking cleaning and kids to make sure it was perfect. i also picked wild flowers and arranged them in a vase made a nice dinner and gave him desert * wink wink * which of corse was a cherry on top of the whole night.

    Answer by tabbys4 at 7:38 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

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