Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

what do you think i should do?

Alright, this will be a bit controversial so please, go into this with an open mind and refrain from rude comments, I just want some feedback.

Okay, I'm 18 years old, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have a little girl on the way. He is from El Salvador and no, he does not have papers. He is illegal.

He has a great job and has been working his way up the ladder and his boss has offered to pay for him to get married and file papers to get married.

My boyfriend knows that marriage is not an option for the two of us for a few reasons. One, I am still in high school. Two, I'm not ready. and Three, my family would disown me.

He has brought up the idea of paying a women to marry him in order to get papers. He won't live with her, won't see her. Doesn't even know her. But I feel kind of messed up about it.

I don't want to hold him back but It's kinda of hurtful. What should i do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Jun. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • OP here, just an fyi, I realize him letting someone else marry him would be fraud and illegal. we will deal with that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:15 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • confusedNot good enough to marry but good enough to be the father of your baby


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • guessing this is his baby, are they gonna disown you when they find out you got preg. if so why is that a factor in the marriage decision? Your right in not marrying him if your not ready. if you did it just for him youd always feel guilty and obligated. But dont hold him back from marrying someone else if thats what he needs to do!!! why is it you feel your not ready? Got some more growing up to do? More things to experience? Does he know you feel this way?

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 8:18 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • " One, I am still in high school. Two, I'm not ready. and Three, my family would disown me."

    Three huge red flags. Does your family know you're pregnant? They'd be most likely to disown you for THAT.

    "He has brought up the idea of paying a women to marry him in order to get papers. He won't live with her, won't see her. Doesn't even know her."

    And very likely will find himself deported for not having a real marriage if that's what he does. I'm sorry, but I see no good way out of this if you're not ready for a marriage. (And I don't think you should marry him to keep him in this country.)

    Answer by gdiamante at 8:19 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • I agree with gdiamante, and only want to add that that whole situation is so wrong.

    Answer by hautemama83 at 8:23 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • i don't really see a solution to this problem if you aren't ready to marry him. if he wants to marry someone else than there really isn't anything you can do to stop him if you don't want to marry him.
    as far as him paying someone to marry him and what not, in order to become legal he'd have to live w/this woman and make it seem like a real relationship otherwise he'd get deported so i don't see how paying someone and not living with them would help him out at all.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 8:23 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • OP - okay wow. i never said he wasn't good enough and my family DOES know i'm pregnant. that was the last straw. they feel that i will never graduate or go to college if i get married. i think if it wasn't for the way my family is acting i might feel ready but it's just don't know my mother. i know you shouldn't let anyone influence your life decisions but my mom is a nutcase and i can barely deal with her now. i love him, i do but it's just so hard with my family right now, they are horrible to him. part of me wants to marry him but i don't know what to do about my family. if i married him it wouldn't be to keep him here, it'd be out of love and for our daughter.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • You might want to inform him that Immigration isn't stupid. They see that kind of paid marriage thing all the time and they don't fall for it and deport these folks anyway. I wouldn't trust anyone who says they will marry a guy for money anyway. They just might take the money and report him for trying to do something illegal then he's deported for that. Why not just find a way for him to be in the U.S. legally and just date him if you like him that much? There are certain things his boss can look into so Immigration will allow him to stay. I'd have the boss find a good Immigration Attorney and ask what the options are. In other words, do it the legal way. As for your family, the poop's going to hit the fan soon on that one so brace yourself.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:32 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.