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What do you say or do with a 43 yo man who constantly says.....I guess I'm going thru a "midlife" change?

My dh gets home from work..when he has work. (he was laid off recently w/job attached) to pick on our 14 yo dd, or me! Me being the kind of person I am...step to protect! I can not stand him "picking" on us. Me, I can pretty much take it. But, I can tell, it leaves a "bad taste" in our dd's mouth. I automatically rush to defend her...because his rantings are usually for petty crap! He claims...he's going thru a "mid-life." I have asked him on numerous occasions...without picking...what his "real" problem is..that same ole is usually his excuse. Is his excuse really the truth?

We've been together 15 almost 16 yrs. I'm serioulsy sick and tired of his BS! I'm ready to retaliate...big time! Our dd does not need this bull at her "tender" age. Separation or divorce is not/and won't be an option. How would you handle this situation?

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Loryl

Asked by Loryl at 8:54 PM on Jun. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 11 (612 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • The "mid-life" thing is an excuse - plain and simple. Stop accepting it as an excuse.
    He is picking fights with you all the time? Hmmmm....he may be depressed and taking it out on everyone since he is laid off. You may want to speak to your doctor about this.
    Has any of his habits changed?
    dragonfly7271

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 9:26 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • dragonfly is right. I don't know that I can add much to it though. I'd just tell him to come up with a new excuse because mid-life crisis doesn't fly with me!
    SandraRh

    Answer by SandraRh at 10:23 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Sounds to me like he is using that as an excuse because really he is deprseed about possibly being laid off or is stressed out about the way things maybe going, heck maybe he is even trying to pick a fight with you because he thinks he is worthless (I hope that made sense lol)
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 10:40 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • I'd be asking him when this so called Mid Life Crisis is going to be over so you can enjoy life again. Don't let that excuse linger. Look it up and see how long they supposedly last then figure out when this started. Then if he can't answer you, you tell him that ship has sailed and already docking at the next port so quit using that sorry excuse and grow up.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:59 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • My DH lost his job many years ago (the jobs went overseas) and he became despondent. He didn't feel like he added value anymore, especially after I received a big promotion. He felt that being a SAHD was not his calling. And when I all of a sudden had to file our taxes as the head of household - oh man, did the sparks fly! There was nothing I could do or say that would make him feel better and he picked at me and our son all the time. It was miserable and went on for several years.
    He later ended up being unfaithful to me. We have worked through that issue, however, to the OP, please watch his habits. Im not saying every husband who goes through this will do what my DH did - but every time I hear the "mid-life" excuse especially after the loss of a job, my red flad starts waving. GL OP.
    dragonfly7271

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 11:20 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

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