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TO THE STEP MOMS AND SECOND WIVES OUT THERE

I am so lucky. Happy marriage. Beautiful step daughter. And a new daughter of our own. Life is good. It has never been better.
But I can't help sometimes feeling like this home will never be mine. I'll never give my husband his first child, or his first "I do". We won't buy our first home together. Another woman got to do all those things.
Do any of you ever feel like that?
Before you answer. I am thankful for what I have. I know I am lucky. I'm secure in my relationship, and cherish both my daughter and step daughter. I also know I can't change the past, nor do I think its right to whine about it. I'm not seeking pity.
But, I was going through paperwork earlier and came across family photos of when he was still with his ex. My husband's out of town for the night, my step daughter is at her mom's, and my little girl is asleep.
I'm having a rough night. I just want to know I'm not alone.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:33 PM on Jun. 2, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I definitely feel you on those things. I myself have never been married, but my SO has. && I try not to think about it, but sometimes it really gets to me that he had already planned on spending forever with someone else. I mean, he tells me that his first marriage was a mistake && I should have been the first, but it's still hard knowing that there are a lot of things that I will never get to give him first. I love him with all my heart && I am crazy about his kids, sometimes I just wish that we could have found each other a little sooner. It is harder than it seems to move past all of that.
    HisMommySince07

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 9:49 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Your r nice , but u will never take the place of her real Mom- just settle on being her friend. Im in my 2nd marriage and my ex has kids with new wife and I wish she cared like u do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • I felt like this before too sort of. Neither one of us has been married, but he does have kids. When I found out I was pregnant I was really kind of worried because he's already been through it all twice, and everything is brand new for me. It is a sucky feeling to know that they went through the "first" together, and you are going through your first kind of by yourself (not really, but u know what i mean), but the past is the past. It can be rough, i totally agree with you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • mostly, i just want to feel "at home" :( its just been so long, i wonder if i ever will. its so not ike me to be pessimistic like this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • neither of us has been married but he has a daughter from a previous relationship.. it bums me out a lot, and me and her do not get along, but we only ahve her EOW...

    i think you need to do whatever makes you feel at home, if its changeing rules, do it, you are the adult and she is the child...
    2cuteboysrmine

    Answer by 2cuteboysrmine at 9:55 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • oh dear. i am the 'poster', i feel like what i wrote may have been misunderstood. i dont have any problems with his little girl. or her mom. thats why im so damn lucky. i just feel... not at home!!!! i dont know how to explain it!!! its irrational and ridiculous and im crying my eyes out for no reason!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • mmmm....was the house his while he was in his previous marriage? Could that be why you don't feel at home. See my dh was married young to an older woman who already had a child and she couldn't have any more. They worked different shifts so they never saw each other.

    Every now and then I think of him having already married before me. It makes me sad sometimes that he's had an entire life before me that I will never be a part of or understand. Sometimes I'm jealous of his relationship before me. BUT it was before me so I know I am being irrational. But whatever...I don't hold it against him or anything...it just sometimes makes me sad and I wish that **I** could have met him first so that he would only have been with me! But oh well.
    SandraRh

    Answer by SandraRh at 10:45 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

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