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premarital sex -real questions so I expect real answers (keep it civil)

Why's it important to some parents? Is it religion, fear of pregnancy or letting your child grow up? Does premarital matter? Or is something often said to prevent just TEENAGE sex? Do you think it's your place to decide if your child has premarital sex? If so, do you care WHEN they get married? Can they get hitched at 18? Many say they don't want their child having sex til they're old/mature/financially stable enough to handle marriage and children. So let's say a few years after college to establish themselves, 25. Then there's that young marriage leading to divorce statistic, so let's say 28. Is it realistic for someone to keep their virginity this long? Is it really beneficial for their emotional well being? How far will you go to keep them virgins? Homeschool? Not letting them move out? Control of their post high school life w/out you? Is the moral responsibility of virginity this important? Where are your priorities?

Answer Question

Asked by jus1jess at 11:48 PM on Jun. 2, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,801 Credits)
Answers (25)
  • Well, as for me (a homeschooling parent, btw), I think it's entirely normal for kids to start experimenting with sex around 16 or 17 yrs old. I established with them from the beginning an open dialogue about sex, so hopefully they'll know what they need to know & will be responsible accordingly.

    My almost 11 yr old son asks me questions all the time. He has a hard time talking with me about stuff face-to-face.... lol... so I'll go around the corner or the doorway & answer all his questions as straight-forward as possible. Hopefully someday we'll be able to carry on "the talks" in the same room LOL.. but for now, that's what works for him, so that's what works for me, too.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 11:54 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • i don't believe in teaching my children to wait until marraige.. i think it's 100% a PERSONAL choice. Not one I would ever want to make for my son, not that I could. I think it's great that some people wait until their wedding night.. that's a beautiful thing but again... soley a personal choice. I didn't wait until I was married.. I'm not married now and I wont be for a long time and I have sex with my boyfriend everytime I see him, lol. There's nothing wrong with that at all and if anyone has a problem with it then they can kiss my ass. I care about him and our sex is more meaningful than the sex I've had with anyone else and I could care less if we were married or not. I will, however, teach my son about safe sex.. and having sex only with people that he truly cares about because it's a special part of a relationship... etc etc

    Answer by vivalaham at 11:58 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Just in case it came off that way, I wasn't trying to portray homeschooling as a negative. I just think it can be depending on the parent's reason. It's something I'd like to do. -Now carry on answering.

    Answer by jus1jess at 11:59 PM on Jun. 2, 2009

  • Well, my husband has had talks with my 2 boys (they are 12 and 10 so nothing REALLY complicated or in depth or anything) but enough. It would be awesome if they would wait til they were married, but do I expect them to? No. I will try to keep open lines of communication between them and us so that they feel free to talk to us about anything though so that when they do start to think about it, they know they can talk to us. It is ultimately up to them to decide when though because I can not force them not to. Don't get me wrong, they will not be going on dates alone til they are 16, if a girl is at the house then the bedroom doors will definitely not be closed. But I do know how teenagers are and nothing we as parents do can STOP them from doing it if they want to. I just hope that through conversations with us, my boys will make the right decisions.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 12:02 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Maybe it's because of the teen pregnancy rate that parents cringe when it comes to premarital sex because they end up with two kids. Some teens, like myself, had a ton of sex responsibly. I put myself on the pill, had a steady boyfriend and the rest is history. I also got married at 25 and have been now for 12 years. I think premarital sex is key, maybe not so much as a teen but definitely in college. You need to sample the goods and honestly, maybe get some of "it" out of your system before marriage!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • sometimes its a religious thing...with me and my sister it was....I didn't wait until i was married but I did end up marrying him=)

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Personally, I'm a christian. I know we have different beliefs here, and that's okay, I'm just telling you how I feel about it. I'm definitely not as hardcore about it as some people, but I think it would be an amazing thing to be completely pure and save yourself for your husband, and to never let anyone touch, caress and love on your body but him. That doesnt rule out premarital sex, but there's never a guarantee that you'll get married to the person your sleeping with.

    When I look back on the sex I had with guys throughout high school and up until my pregnancy I feel disgusting with the men I slept with, the circumstances, and the huge amount of disrespect I had for myself. I feel ashamed and the thoughts feel so dirty to me that I feel ashamed and blush even thinking about it. I dont want my daughter to ever have to feel that about herself. I understand we learn from mistakes, and I'm glad I was able to experience it to

    Answer by kate_jocelyn at 12:36 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • know what I know now.

    It's not so much that I want my daughter to be a virgin til she's married, but I think it would be amazing if she *WANTED* to be a virgin until she's married. So I will try to raise her with that basis of thinking and with that moral, but still I will free her to make her own decisions.

    I know that I'm not having sex again until I'm married. Period, end of story, and I'm happy about it. It doesnt upset me or sadden me or make me feel out of control sexually, I'm really honestly okay with it and my sex drive is pracitically non-existent right now anyways.

    Answer by kate_jocelyn at 12:38 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I think that you have a lot of questions that you don't really want the answer to. You just want to share the point that you don't agree with people who don't agree with premarital sex.
    I have taught my children to respect thier bodies. That everytime you have sex you are having sex with everyone you or your partner has had sex with. I don't mean the physical side of it. Mentally, everything you have experienced before comes into the picture with your current partner. Either by fear, love, hate...whatever emotion or experience that you have colors your experience with your SO. If you wait until marraige it can be so freeing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • when I was younger, I always said I was going 2 wait until I was married. However, as I got older I realized that that just wasn't a realistic choice 4 me. My mom started talking 2 me about sex very early, I don't even remember exactly how old but I'm gonna say about 11. She was always very willing 2 answer any questions I had w/o passing judgement or making me feel like it was wrong 2 be curious. She always said, "I don't want you 2 have sex very young, but if you do choose 2, please come 2 me first so I can get you some condoms & birth control." & even at almost 19 years old, I went 2 her 2 let her know that I was thinking about having sex. She kinda laughed & said sweetie you're grown u don't have 2 tell me now & I said but I always told u that I would. I think the way that she approached it is actually what made me wait at least until I was a legal adult. anyway, I plan on having the same type of relationship with my son.

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 1:02 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

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