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How would you feel if your kids started calling his new fiance "Mom" and he does nothing to prevent it even though you have asked him several times to come up with a different name for his new wife to be?

I found out my kids were calling their new step mom to be "mom" and was floored? Am I making a big deal out of this? My ex did nothing to stop the kids, never discussed with me and when I finally approached him and asked him to have the kids quit doing that out of respect for me, he nodded yes, he understood (a common practice in our marriage). This was a month or so ago and in reality, I have asked him more than once. Again, the nods every time I have requested. Found out today, my kids were STILL calling her Mom and I about flipped? Again, am I making too big of a deal of this? I got divorced for the same crud I am constantly still having to deal with when it comes to my ex. Lack of communication. His constant "agree to disagree" attitude. The nods of I hear you but am never gonna listen to you. What do I do? I am trying to like his new wife to be but he keeps putting making sure he has a new wife before respect.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on Jun. 3, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (15)
  • Well, I'm a step-parent. i know what your talking about. my step kids call me by my name. they have never called me MOM! i would prob freak out if they did. i have a friend who's kids do call their stepmom mom. but thats her fault bc shes not around them! she don't see them like a parent should. i would have cut his nuts off by now. tell your kids you would like for them to call her by her name.

    Answer by mommyof302 at 2:00 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • My kids call their step mom mom. It doesn't bother me a bit. They love her and she takes excellent care of them when they are with her and my ex. I told my kids they can call her what they are comfortable calling her. They call me mommy and her mom. I am secure enough as a mother to not be bothered by it I guess. The kids call my new husband dad they call my ex daddy. My ex is not bothered by it and has told me time and time again he is glad I married such a great guy. My kids come first and I will not make them feel bad for loving their stepmom. It isn't about me it is about them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I am a future step-mom, i guess you could say, && when the kids are here they call me by my name, but apparently at their mom's house they have referred to me as mama #2, b/c their mom has made smart-ass comments to my SO about it before. I had no idea they were doing it until she said something. I don't guess I would mind it if they called me mom, but I would never force them to. I believe it should be the child's choice. If by some grace of God my baby's daddy ever did come back into the picture && actually found a decent woman to marry his sorry ass, I guess I would leave it up to whatever my son is comfortable with. but I'm not even sure he would be comfortable calling his real dad, daddy b/c as of right now my SO is the only dad my son has ever known && he calls him daddy. as far as my stepmom goes, I have always called her by her name but I have heard my little brother call her mom before.

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 2:18 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Thanks for the responses. I guess I felt that my ex or his new wife to be would have a little more respect for others and you are right. It is about the kids. But in same respect, this is the only thing that freaked me out about my ex's new relationship. I asked my ex directly to assist me and he agreed with me but still proceeded to do nothing about it. I am Mom and there is no other. They can love their stepmom completely. I don't begrudge a positive aspect that affects my kids lives at all! I don't think that I am being insecure or selfish and this is really the ONLY thing I have asked my ex to do since our divorce, not requested that he respect but actually respect me on this one thing this one time. My ex has been dating her for less than a year so its a little odd to me that someone they barely know is being called "Mom" (incidentally same name I am called by my kids).

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • i would be pissed if my daughter was calling any other woman mom, i dont care who she is!! she has one mom..ME!! shes calls my exs gf by her first name, and it will stay that way. i has nothing to do with not beng secure with myself, it has to do with, im her mom, not the other girl. if i ever get married, i wouldnt want my daughter calling my husband dad..she will call him by his first name

    Answer by alexis_06 at 3:23 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I wish I had an answer for you. As a step child, I called my step dad "dad" and my step mom by her name. It was all about the kind of relationship I personally had with them. My parents wishes never really played into it it was a personal choice my brother and I made ourselves. I hope this works out for all of you.

    Answer by Liansmommie at 3:54 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • It would hurt but I think I would need to step back and think of the kids. It's up to them what they want to call step parents.

    Answer by MoonLover06 at 12:14 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • i'm sure they know your the real mom and if it does bother you so much, tell your children it bothers you and ask them to call her by her real name. a friend of mine has a daughter that i have shown attention and changed her diaper on occation when she needed it and i was there while her mom was at work, she calls me mom sometimes, i correct her with my real name out of respect of her real mom but sometimes think i show her more love and attention than her real mom does. for all you know they could be encouraging that behavior and they could be confused about the situation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • My daughter calls her sm MOM and I have no problem with it and she calls my husband DAD.. Her real father is Daddy and I am Mommy. Her counselor said you are not to make a big deal out of it if the person being called it doesn't mind. It is hard to grasp. I was floored myselff but my daughter told me that she loves her step mom and I will always be her MOMMY and she is only her MOM..... It is hard, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Kids know how they want to call someone. It sucks yes, but at the same time it is good that she is obviously loving enough for them to want to call her that.... HOW OLD ARE YOUR KIDS THOUGH? If they are tiny like my daughter was I would say no. My daughter was 2 the first time she did it and I would correct her, but now that she is almost 7 she wants this and I have to respect my duaghters feelings and wants when it comes to her fathers family. Its not like I hear her say it anyways.

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 2:37 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • my ex and I have the understanding that we are the only parents. I would be extremely irritated if my son came home calling his sm mom. I don't see him doing that, but if it happened, I would tell him I don't like that.

    Answer by mommystiebler at 3:20 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

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