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HOW TO BE MEAN BACK TO SOMEONE WHO IS MEAN TO ME?

HI, THERE IS THIS NEIGHBOR WHO IS MEAN TO ME, BUT SHE COMES OVER AS SHE PRETNEDS TO BE NICE BUT ONLY TO GET ME TO BABYSIT HER KIDS WHO ARE ALSO MEAN TO MY KIDS, THE OLDEEST ONE ONLY LIKES TO COMEOVER ONLY TO PLAY W/MY CHILDRENS TOYS JUST LIKE SHE COMES OVER WHEN SHE WANTS SOMETHING! SHE IS MEAN BUT I NATURALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY NO AND TO BE MEAN TO OTHERS, I NEED TO LEARN TO DEFEND MYSELF AND SAY NO WHEN I FEEL I SHOULD SAY NO, I NEED TO CHANGE TO BE STONG FOR THE BENEFIT OF MY CHILDREN. PLEASE SOME ADVISE HER..

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:14 AM on Jun. 3, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • You don't need to be mean, you need to learn to be assertive. You have to put the fence up. There is no easier way to do this than by say, "no." When she is mean, call her on it and she'll go away on her own as users usually do.
    Lexylex

    Answer by Lexylex at 5:54 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Stop letting her in your home and stop babysitting for her.
    Just say: Sorry, I can't. I am busy and need to go. Bye!
    Practice in front of a mirror.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:51 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I agree with the others.  Just say no.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 7:03 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • yes i have to agree just say no. however i know it's not the easiest thing to do. You need to figure out if there really is something in it for you. Why do you feel sorry saying no? there is no reason why you should feel guilty about it especially when you feel abused. Don't be a doormat.. but if you are going to continue to allow them to come in..then forewarn them that you will not accept anything less than kindness. and be firm with it. Say what you mean and do what you mean. when all else fails, don't open the door or answer the phone when they come calling.
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 8:58 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • You don't need to be mean. Next time she comes over and asks you to babysit say something like "sorry, we have plans today" and then close the door. She does not need to know what your plans are, and you are under no obligation to be her free sitter. If her kids do come to your house to play I would let them know the 'rules' of your house-- #1- treat people with kindness- NO rude behavior will be tollerated. Then if they are rude, send them home and don't let them back for a few days. Keep doing that till they get the message. If she is rude to you, you should speak up and say "I will not put up with your rudeness- please leave my house". If she is offended- so what? Then she got what she deserved.
    Good luck!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:44 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • don't go to the door or everytime she ask you to babysit tell her you have a headache she will get the message soon good luck!!!
    ddang

    Answer by ddang at 10:44 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I couln'd sleep last night just thinking about it, I know I must put a stop to this abuse!
    She lives fron door from me, she comes over (pretending) to be nice but at hte same time she wants the attention and doesn't listen about waht I say, she has a 8 y/o that runs around wild,and is mean and a 1 y/o crying and pinching and biteing my 2 and 3 y/o. my husband is a laywer , he has help them for free also, she comes over to talk to my husband and ignores me I think that is rude! but she comes over when he is not home to manipulate me to babysit her kids, she has left me talking, she has her friends over her house they sit outside - I say hi she pretends she doent hear me, I know they gossip about me- I don't know what?, I don't send my children to play at other peoples houses- I 'm allways w/my kids, she askes if her children can play w/my chilren but that is truely for them to play w/my children but she stays at her house.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I know I'm whining and complaining but I need to let this out to then confront her! I don't want to find excuses not to babysit! I want her to know I will not babisit anymore! she knows I don't get "me time" she does all the time I babysit for her! she wants my husband to feel sorry for her, She never ofers to help me w/my kids so I can get a brake (not that I would let her!) She has a way of putting me down in a very discret way that it's not clear to others!, yesturday she came over to tell me she will be having surgery and won't be able to care for her babie, I use myspac also and she asked me in fron of my husband "you use mysapce?"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • then she said "I don't have time for that," she said it in a belittleing me way! I tell my husband how she is to me adn he said for me to just say no adn to get over it, well it is hard b/c I know she'll be over having a conversation w/him and eventually I'll have her on my face whining to bebysit her kids. IT ALSO MAKE ME MAD SHE DOEN'T ASK W/A STRAIGHT FACE, SHE WHINES AND MANIPULATES! HER PATTERN! THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE ADVISE! ALL ADVISE IS GOOD, I WILL KEEP YOU POST IT, I DO FEEL INTIMADATED MY HER, SHE PUTS THIS FACE LIKE "YOU BETTER NOT SAY NO TO ME"...I HAVE TO GET THE BULL FROM THE HORNS AND KEEP HER AWAY! I TOKE IT ONLY B/C I DON'T WANT HE RTO BE MEANER TO ME AND MY CHILDREN!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • SHE SAID TO ME IN FRONT OF MY HUSBAND BUT LOOKING AT HIM AS SHE SAID "I HAVE 2 JOBS, I WORK AND THEN I CONTINUE WORKING AT HOME AS A MOTHER" IN A WAY THAT SHE IS BETTER THAN ME! I RESPECT PEOPLE THAT HAVE 1 JOBS I REALLY DO, I ALSO HAVE A 24/7 JOB! SHE REALLY HAS 1 JOB B/C SHE IS NOT AT HER JOB AND HOUSE AT THE SAME TIME, SHE GOES TO WORK THEN SHE LEAVES THAT JOB TO COME HOME TO CONTINUE HER JOS AS A MOTHER! SHE IS NOT BETTER THAN ME AND I'M NOT BETTER THAN HER! SHE IS JUST NOT NICE!!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

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