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our 3 1/2 yr old son's behavior and use of language

hi ladies ... our son is 3 1/2 and his way of talking is really getting bad. He talks back to us( especially me since I am a SAHM) and using words like 'you are not my boss' OR 'you may be my boss but you are not my mommie' and last night he told his daddy 'I don't love you, you could leave because my mommie will take care of me' just completely hurt my husbands feelings even though he was trying to keep in mind our son is ONLY 3 1/2 HELP !! is this part of being 3 or what? I am at my wits end .. I try time out, spanking but he just lashes out when I do this form of discipline. any advice will be greatly appreciated! thank you

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Asked by choconut08 at 7:36 AM on Jun. 3, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (7)
  • Sounds like a strong willed child. ;) I have one of those. My main advice is to BE CONSISTANT with your form of discipline. Pick one, and use it EVERY time, so that he can understand when he does something, he KNOWS what is coming. He will start to understand boundaries.

    Also remember that just b/c he lashes out during discipline does NOT mean that it is not working. Most kids rebel against being told what to do or being disciplined.

    Keep at it mom, it will work if you stay consistent and hold your ground as parent.

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 8:05 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Sounds normal, but rather than putting him in time out or spanking, teach him how to express what he's feeling appropriately. Yes, he's 3 1/2, but he still needs to learn how to show respect. First off, make sure you speak to him respectfully (if you tell him you're the boss, then naturally he'll try to fight those statements as any child would). When he says something like "I don't love you," respond back with phrases like, "When you say that you don't love me, it hurts me," then, if you know what triggered the behavior (he's been told to do something he doesn't want to do), help him express his feelings: "I know you don't want to do xxx and you're mad at me for making you do it, but I still love you and you still need to do xxx." Always affirm that no matter what he says, you still love him. Once you've help him identify his emotions and cause, give him a respectful way of saying it and have him repeat it back.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 9:44 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Maybe try ignoring the bad talking. By reacting to it you give it power. I know it sounds crazy but maybe it would work. Or go old school on him and smack the shit out of his mouth like my grandma used to do. I don't mean draw blood or anything, but a tap on the mouth might work. Good luck.

    Answer by GMR at 10:18 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • i would keep telling him to use his nice words, keep using the time outs 3 min every time, & tell him that hurts my feelings. kids think we don't have feelings.
    when time out is done tell him you love him & want him to use nice words. BE CONSISTENT!
    don't worry it's normal by six year old asked me why GOD made me so mean I told her I discipline her out of love.

    Answer by maiahlynn at 1:09 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • i hear daughter will be 3 next month and we she gets made she says i don't want you anymore mommy...or i hate you mommy....she will tell me that she doesn't love me or that she wants a new mommy...dont take it to heart, you child is mad and he knows that he will get a rise out of you and your hubby by saying those things...when my daughter does that....i make her go to her room and sit/lay on her bed until she is done with her fit. If she gets up i take her back to her bed without saying anything to her....after a few minutes if she is rational enough to talk to i will get down on her level and tell her that when she says those things to mommy or daddy that it really hurts or feelings and then i make her apologize and then she is allowed to get up...just be consistent..i think it is just a phase...hopefully....good luck!

    Answer by ThinkPink23 at 1:12 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Boundraries. Consistant discipline. But don't forget the love, hug them spontanesously. Tell him I love you just because. Make sure the father is on the same page as you when it comes to discipline. Have you tried talking to your Pastor about this? After speaking with our Pastor about how to reign in our daughter without crushing her spirit, and reading a SuperNanny book our child, is for the most part, good as gold. But twice as useful.
    Does the child also have chores to do? Our 3 1/2 year olds job is to help with laundry, puts the recyclables in the box, helps in the garden, and help unload the dishwasher.

    Answer by Glickstein at 10:13 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • thanks to all of you who responded to my question! They were ALL great answers and I think being CONSISTANT is what it is all about... I thought the answer 'smack the shit out of his mouth' was hysterical!! Thank you! I do think who he plays with has a lot to do with his wording since I hear one little girl saying some of the words that he has picked up ... sometimes as Moms we just get overwhelmed( or I do at least) and feel frustrated with what is going on... it is nice to know I can come here and get GREAT feedback .... thanks again!!!!!!

    Answer by choconut08 at 2:19 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

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