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What are some things we can say to our 11 yr old ds to help him become a better boy than the older boys we've met?

I'm speaking to the way many of the older boys my 14 yr old daughter knows and has "dated" talk, sarcastic, rude, always sexual comments, disrespectful and sometimes, in the case of the current in school "bf" controlling and negative. It makes me want so badly to effect the way my son responds to this stuff and saddens me that so few boys are truly respectful and just plain nice. How can I raise him to be, I guess, different? Right now he is very into sports and just loves to have fun and laugh and be silly. He is the light of my life right now :) Any ideas or good things to say to him now to prepare him as he enters middle school? Thanks!!

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Asked by dflygirl7 at 11:14 AM on Jun. 3, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I think one of the most important lessons we can teach our children is compassion, particularly to those more vulnerable. Traditonally, men have perceived women as the more vulnerable, and have responded by either trying to baby or control. A lot of that is changing as women gain more economic power, but what shouldn't change is the demonstration of respect. The best men I have met have always been respectful and kind-- to everyone.

    One way to start is to get a pet of some sort-- starting with a relatively low maintenance pet like a goldfish that is his responsibility to care for and provide comfort. Having a pet will teach him to think outside of himself, take what something else needs into consideration, even without being asked to.


    Answer by Busimommi at 11:39 AM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • just keep your child around other boys and men that are positive influences they will make the right decison on how to act. my son was having a problem fitting in at school (he's 9) and he started hanging out with these boys that would get him in trouble and get him to fight at school, we ended up putting him in cub scouts and about 2-3 weeks later he found a new group of positive friends and has matured and now is a positive example himself to others :) good luck!

    Answer by cleo2582 at 12:58 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Keep in mind that kids can all be different - your own, and the others. I'd be as positive, encouraging as possible, talk to him and above all ask him - what would he do? what does he think of? If you can get him to say positive things, I think it means more than lecturing him. And sports and activites are good... what ever keeps him busy and seems to make him shine. Also, encourage him to have friends over, particularly the ones that have the best influence on them - I think kids always know the kids who parents will tolerate certain behaviours and those that wont.

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 2:34 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • When I see kids my sons' ages or thereabouts behaving badly in public, I point it out to my boys, especially if we're alone in the car. I remind them of good times we've had together, where their positive behavior either got them a compliment or some kind of reward. I point out that if **I* were the mom of a child who did ABC bad thing, my child would not get XYZ reward that they really wanted.

    For example, my oldest came home and told me one of his classmates was calling a lot of other kids derogatory names. I said, "Wow, that's pretty sad. If I were his mom, he wouldn't be going to so-and-so's birthday party next weekend. I'm so glad you don't do stuff like that."

    He looked at me and said, "Yeah, I know. I told him that I didn't like him saying those things and I wasn't going to hang around with him if he didn't stop."

    Answer by geminilove at 5:39 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Sadely most of his 'values' (lack of a better word) are learned when they are young, somewhere between 12-14 peer influence becomes more dominant in thier lives. It means we have to work a little harder at making sure they remember what we have been teaching them. But as parents we also need to not over react to what we might see as inappropriate (it's the whole "the more forbidden we make it" thing) Some of what you complain about is very normal for a 14 year old, the sexual is always on thier minds, everything from a simple sign can be turned dirty. I however would not allow rudeness or disrespect from any kid in my presence.

    I would also be more concerned with what my DD is considering normal and work with her on what is and isn't appropriate.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 10:42 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • There is a quote on the families giving back page  It goes like this:   

    "My  father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." (Clarence Budinton Kelland).   Bottom a good role model and example. 


    Answer by momjs at 7:17 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

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