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Should I invite the in-laws to my daughters 1st birthday party?

Long story short, they are whitetrash, we have major issues, they have turned their whole family on me saying Im a horrible person, I stole their son, they call me homewrecker...very immature stuff. I put up w/it for 2 years, Im done with them. Haven't seen our dd since she was 3 mos, because they refuse to come to my house for no known reason, and I refuse to go to theirs b/c they are heavy smokers/cussers/dirty people, my husband cut off all ties from them b/c they treat him disrespectfully and wants nothing to do with them. Im planning my dd b-day party, and I dont know if I should invite anyone from his family? I dont really want to deal with them AT ALL...especially his parents. What do you do? Send them an invite and hope they don't come? I don't want them screaming at my husband or me and acting like trash in front of my family and especially at the special time for my daughter...

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Jun. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Doesn't sound like they're really "family" at all, and it doesn't sound like they have a place there. Don't worry about it- this is YOUR family now.

    Answer by sfwilson at 3:16 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Don't invite them, it sounds like they could care less about her or you. Since they haven't seen her since she was 3 months old, why bother? Her first b-day party is going to be stressful enough, not to mention your stress can have a negative effect on your daughter too. Good luck!

    Answer by Bmanda352 at 3:17 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • don't invite them...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:33 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • If your husband "cut all ties" with them, then NO I def. wouldn't invite them. More than likely, if you invite them they will cause a SCENE and ruin your DD's 1st bday - thats not fair to her. My oldest will be 3 in Oct, I've yet to invite MIL to a party (and don't see it happening in the near future) - she sounds like your IL's - I'm a homewrecker, took her son away from her- etc. and won't allow her to relive her "Mommy days" thru my kids. Don't invite them and enjoy your DD's party all around!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • If your husband hasn't cut off all ties then invite them with it being in mind that they will be expected to leave if there are any issues so as not to ruin your lil girls special day...but if he has nothing to do with them then dont bother. As your daughter grows up she can help make the decision about who to invite. All 3 of my childrens families were invited to their 1st b-day parties but if there were issues or if they didn't bother to show then they were never invited to another one & my kids are 13,9, & soon to be 7. My family is the only family any of them have ever had at ANY of their b-day parties...fathers family chose not to be there for 1st one so never invited back for any of them. And my kids are fine with that, they understand the reasons of no more invites.

    Answer by 3Dani75 at 4:38 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Yes, Invite them. If you are in doubt, then do it. What have you got to lose, and maybe you'll gain something. Be the bigger person here and include them. Your child will only have one birthday, don't let them be hurt and you be sorry all the rest of your lives because you didn't include them on this important occasion.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:43 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I think bmat is right, invite them and let them be the ones to either show up and behave or not show up and they can deal with that on their conscience. It doesnt sound like they will come anyways and if they do and start anything tell them if they do not leave quietly that you will call the police dept. and stick to it.At some point your dd is going to have questions why they were never around and you want to be able to say you did all you could to help that happen and they chose not to come.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 5:24 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I don't know many folks who go to little kids' birthday parties. Personally, no I wouldn't invite them. See if they even remember when her birthday is and if they send a card. If they don't then they don't care so you are not missing much.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:32 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I wouldn't give them the chance to "start anything" Don't invite them! I'm telling you, it's going to be drama that you don't want. If they really wanted to be there they would inquire. Like someone else said, I bet they don't even know when her b-day is. Save yourself the headache and don't invite them. And don't blame yourself for them not seeing your daughter. When she's old enough to ask, tell her the truth.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

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