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Is it ok for my husband to still talk to his ex?

My husband and I have been married for a year- we have a 3 month old and we live in a different state then the ex. 2 weeks before our wedding I found a naked pic of the ex in an old wallet in an old box. I went a little nuts and searched around and found pics of them together, some of them hugging and kissing. They broke up 5-6 yrs prior but remained good friends. Prior to that I had no problem with them talking. She is married and has 2 kids. She continues to text him every1-2 months. I found out he called her on valentines day when I didn't even get flowers. When confronted- he initially denied it. Iv'e made it clear how uncomfortable it makes me. He insists hes doing nothing wrong and doesnt want to let go of an old friend. They had been through alot together. I dont want to be controlling or crazy- but it really bothers me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Jun. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • They will fade away from each other. I'd not make a big deal of it out of concern he might start turning to her to gripe about you. Don't give him another reason to contact her and keep their friendship going. Just let it go.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:30 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I would have a problem with it too. All you can do is trust him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:34 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I think that if they do not have kids together there is no reason for him to be talking with her other than to hang ointo the past. I disagree with the pp, about just letting it go. In my experience men that hang onto ex's do it because they want a security blanket.Tell him he needs to find some new "old" friends to hang onto.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 5:35 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Some of what you describe, I'd let go, other parts of it, no. The pics in the old wallet in a box - I'd let that go. I often change wallets, and only pull out what I need, and instead of going back thru the old wallet and throwing away or otherwise dealing with what's in it, I toss the wallet in the closet, and it might have pics of old boyfriends, the kids, receipts, etc. That, I truly believe, is *probably* harmless. Him calling her on Valentines Day, though, when he did not acknowledge you, that I would have a problem with. I am torn between agreeing with admckenzie and bearjen. On one hand, I think letting it go is a good idea, but it has been long enough since the breakup that I don't think the friendship will just fade away at this point. I think you should tell him it makes you uncomfortable and that it is affecting your trust in him and see what he says. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:53 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I sometimes wonder if he's still in love with her- There are drawings of her and hes kept every pic of her and them together- Hes the kind of guy who will avoid confrontation at all costs- So he tells me to get rid of them- But why still have them?? We met 2 yrs ago- like i said married 1 yr ago. He insists he cares nothing for her. But the last time she called about 1 month ago. His voice shaked like a leaf as he talked to her in front of me- I happened to answer her call. Am I making to big a deal?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:54 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • You may not be making a big deal of it, but you are handling it wrong. The thing is, you may have a right to be upset and worried, but none of it will actually help the situation. I would pack all of the stuff relating to her in a box and put it somewhere. Then I would never talk about it again. You should try and become at the very least, polite acquaintances with the ex and be friendly. Never ever express any insecurity about this situation. Just apologize for having a momentary freak out and move on. If he knows you are not worried about it and that you trust him, then he won't be so protective of those things that remind him of her or of their conversations. She is married with kids and you and your hubby have a kid. All three children need to be protected by giving these two no reason at all to turn toward each other. Be the amazing woman and lover that he married and pretend she does not exist.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 5:58 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • IMHO- I would not like my husband to talk to any of his ex's, that is in my book unnecessary...
    MaiasMommy619

    Answer by MaiasMommy619 at 6:28 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I would have a problem with my husband talking to his ex..would have a bigger problem if he did not want to discontinue talking to her as I have asked him. Ask how he would feel if you kept a friendly relationship with an ex, he probably wouldn't like it.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 6:35 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • If he doesn't want to let go of her, then there are still feelings. You are his wife, his #1 priority, just like he is your #1 priority. He needs to put you first and that means cutting off contact with this other woman.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 6:39 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • i would say h*ll no. if hes happy with you why does he need her? ask him that.
    youngandafraid

    Answer by youngandafraid at 10:05 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

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