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Im in a really tough position, I need advice asap!!!

My dad has lived with my husband and I for about 6 months now and has paid his part of rent on time every week but the problem is very seriouse that we have with him and thats that he has legal problems. I didnt know this when he moved in with us but he told me that he had some tickets that needed to be paid and I found out that he had a warrant for his arrest in another county for not having a valid liscens and inss.. Well he got pulled over not too long ago here by our house and he got another no inss. ticket along with expired tags and so on. He only paid two of the three tickets which he had to get a loan for which my sister ended up having to pay cause he only gets paid $185 a week cause of all the back child support my mom takes from him and he also has a drug problem and pays money weekly for that. He actually takes this other drug to stay off the one that hes addicted too but its the same thing, it still makes him hi.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:38 PM on Jun. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • He basically gets it legal through a clinic but it cost him allot of money so he rather spend money on his drug problem then pay his tickets. So today around 3pm I get a knock on my door and it was the police. They asked for my dad and long story short arrested him and took him our to the cop car in front of my neighbors, very immbaressing. When I went in the room to tell my dad that they were here for him, he told me to say hes not there. I told him two weeks ago that I will not do that cause Im not getting involved in his crap and he still asked me today. I have lost my family either due to alchol or drugs and Im sick of this shit! I shouldnt have to deal with this, Im always scared that the cops are going to come for my dad which they did or Im going to walk in his room and hes going to be dead. I cried after they took him but Im having to make a really hard choice because I am having my husband pack all of his things...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • and put them in his car and Im going to call my sister and tell her hes in jail and that she will need to come get the rest of her self. They are closer then my dad and I cause they do this whole drug thing togeather, yes I know my family is very disturbing but Im sure mines not the only one. I feel like I deserve to be happy and not have to worry about whats going to happen to my dad. I have a wonderful husband that I have been with for over6yrs and a two yr old that I have to protect. Thank god that he was sleeping today when all this was happeng. Heres what Im asking, am I doing the right thing cause there no looking back.We will be struggling really bad with money and I mean only $50 for grocers for one week but not like that all the time.Im trying not so much to think about the money cause thats not whats important here.I have a good heart and Im trying to do whats best for my family meaning husband and baby.any thoughts?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • your dad has a problem and needs help. This may be the only way to wake him up and let him see that he needs help. You have your own family to worry about without having to worry that your dad is getting high especially in front of your kid. He needs to take responsibility for his actions even if he has to work 2 jobs to pay his self out of his tickets. You need to tell him that you love him but you have your own problems. Let everyone be mad at you if they want to but you have to protect your family. Its tough I know but you will get through it.
    heavenlypeace

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 9:03 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • I would try to take to him about getting help. If he can't get help tell him that you can't let his lifestyle affect your marriage and that he has a few weeks to get all that stuff straightened out and if he don't hes on the streets. Hes a grown adult and you shouldn't have to tell him or support him. good luck hun.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 PM on Jun. 3, 2009

  • Sit down and have a conversation with your sister, and see if she can take him in, better yet tell her she needs to/ its her time. Its sucha hard thing to do, but to live and be able to get through life yourself its the best option for you.
    mammajulez

    Answer by mammajulez at 1:42 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Let me guess. He takes an opiate blocker such as subutex to get off opiates? Thats what it sounds like you said. Nevertheless, I understand. YOu dont want to have to go through all of this and you want him to just take care of himself, but yet on the other hand, you love him and dont know who will help him if you dont? Personally, I think that if you and your sister sat down with your dad and let him know that you love him, but you cant support him anymore and that you will help him find his own place, then it would be better for all of you. He needs to be forced to live on his own. As long as you, out of love, of course, enable him, then he wont do it. Im sorry that youre in this position. Dad are supposed to be our warriors. Ones that are mature adults and our wisdom and experience. Ones we go to when we are sad and need support. Im sorry that youre not getting to experience this and having to treat him like a child. GL>
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:00 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • If you want to do the best for your own family you will not let him continue to live there. You are not in a position to take him on with the current problem he has. He has made some pretty bad choices. Don't get sucked into all this drama. I know you want to help but sometimes helping is hurting. Maybe you could rent the room to someone else for a little more cash. Otherwise you will have to tighten your belt and just get necessities on those short weeks. If you have some staple items like rice, beans, flour and sugar you can improvise. As Dr. Laura would say ,"Now go and do the right thing." grannywilson
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 11:05 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • OP, thank you guys so much for all the advice. I'm now 100% positive that I made the right choice cause yesterday after he was booked my husband called the jail to see exactly what his warrant was for and we found out way too much stuff. He doesnt just have one warrant where we live but several and then several in another country about 2 hrs from here and then he has two theft charges from the county he was born in which is where he lived befor he moved in with us. And then one failure to appear. Now tell me I didnt make the right decision, ,my husband and I are shocked litterally. My dad never told me anything about all of this. As far as I knew he had a couple of unpaid tickets in another county and just one here that he was supposedly going to take care of. Now not only did he not tell me about all of this stuff but the money that my sister had to go out of her way to get a loan for he never used it for tickets! I dont know
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • continued... what he used it for but I dont care now. This is just the end of it for me, I have no relationship with any of my family, my mom chose alchol over all of us kids and my dad is a drug addict and a thief. Im imbarresed and I feel ashamed that god gave me such a horrible family. The only good thing in my life is again my husband and son and Im so very happy with just having them but I will always yurn for a mother and father and then grandparents for my son. My son will never had grandparents because not only has my family screwed me over but my husbands dad remarried after my husbands mom passed away and he married an evil women that wont even let him spend time with his only grandson or let alone his only son. This is allot for any one to have to deal with and Im only 23 yrs old and nobody deserves this. This is just one of those things that I have to just push out of my life and move on. Thanks again to everyone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

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