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What would you do? (not so much FUN lol)

Ok so its just been me and my kids here for the past week since hubby is on a TDY right now. I was on my desktop computer (which is right in the living room) tonight and was checking the browsing history to find a site I was just on. Well up popped some extremely questionable sites I won't mention on here but they were definitely porn sites. They were from yesterday and the day before. Lots of them. Now, I have 2 preteen boys (10 and 12) but they are not normally on the computer, nor does the 12 year old seem to have ANY interest in girls yet. My 10 year old had a girlfriend for a week, but he said girls are too much drama. My question is, do I sit them down and outright ask them who has been on the sites? I know they were not "pop ups" because they were specific sites and we don't visit those websites (its basically the kids computer). What do I do to find out which one it was? How do I (or do I) punish it?

 
AprilDJC

Asked by AprilDJC at 4:00 AM on Jun. 4, 2009 in Just for Fun

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Answers (18)
  • hahaha No problem. It is something new and I imagine porn has not been discussed with your family yet. I personally would not punish just yet because there are probably no rules established before about this. I know when my son gets to be that age I would rather him have the sex talk with us instead of learning everything from porn like my husband did.

    I can imagine it being quite a shock!
    bluelady27

    Answer by bluelady27 at 4:23 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I would give a warning and discuss how these sites are unacceptable for them. Explain to them why you feel they should not be viewing them and let them know it is not ok for them to explore these or similar sites anymore. Also let them know you will be viewing the history for their safety. I wouldn't even ask who it was.

    If you do catch them again, I would punish.
    bluelady27

    Answer by bluelady27 at 4:03 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Thanks bluelady. I mean I know they are preteen boys they are going to be curious but i would rather them be curious in a more healthy way, like talking to their dad about these things. There is absolutely no reason for a preteen boy to be looking up these sites (and I know it was them for sure because of the simplicity of the web addresses! I mean come on, blowjobs.com! REALLY??? LIke i wouldn't figure out it was them.) I just freaked (luckily they are in bed sleeping) and now that I have thought about it for a bit, I realize they are about that age where they are going to start getting curious and I will just have dad call and talk to them tomorrow about what is acceptable. But I will be changing the password so my 12 year old can't get on when he's here alone.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 4:15 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • When I found out my teenage son had been starting that, I just simply told him "I found pictures of women's breasts on the computer." (my dh was deployed at the time) I didn't say it nasty or mean or anything, just very matter of fact. He said "It wasn't me mom!" At which point I looked at him and said, well, I didn't do it, I doubt your sister did it, and I REALLY doubt your grandmother did it." (she was visiting at the time). He then said "I did it - I don't know why, but I did!"

    I told him it was natural to be curious, but just because you're curious doesn't mean it's appropriate to look at that sort of stuff on the internet or elsewhere, especially at his age. I told him that I trusted him to not go to inappropriate sites on the computer (we had talked about it before, and my ds was 15 at the time), and he did it anyway, so he lost internet privileges for awhile.

    cont
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • cont

    I did explain that there were a lot of reasons I didn't want him going there - age appropriate, objectifying women, and the fact that a lot of those sites have internet viruses and stuff that can crash our system. I also told him that, for his safety as well as because it's my computer and as the adult, I'm responsible for what's done on it, I do check the computer - not just the history.

    He was also talking to me about it, it wasn't all one sided, and it was done in a calm manner. I didn't try to embarrass him or make him ashamed of his curiously, but he did see the inappropriateness of the actions.

    That was last summer and we haven't had a problem with it since. (and I do check)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:44 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Yes well we will definitely be doing random checks. They won't be losing their internet priveledges just yet but they won't be using it when an adult is not present either. Because boys do have that curiosity I just don't want to leave the temptation there for them. So the passwords are being changed now, and they will be told tomorrow after school (very calmly) why the passwords were changed...simply that I found some sites on the history that are not appropriate for kids their age to be viewing. Hubby will be calling them tomorrow night when he gets off work to talk to our oldest son about it, and if he denies it then he will definitely be talking to our 10 year old!!!
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 4:50 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Wow i check everything my step-kids go on. I would do what bluelady27 said to do. You will find out in the end who was on there and if you don't then at least they will know that sites like that or inappropriate. Which they know that all ready. Boys will be boys. 


    GoodMorning you all I'm on my way to work. Have a great day : )

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 5:06 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I think your dealing with this situation very well.
    Some times mommies need to hear that there doing a great job with the kids and you are.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 5:10 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Thank yo so much raemommy, I kinda freaked out at first, like they're too young for this lol, but when you look at news stories today about 12 year olds getting girls pregnant I guess they're not too young to be curious. I can tell by the website names they typed in that it is definitely curiosity, but it still needs to be dealt with because its totally inappropriate. Thanks for the encouragement, I'm trying to keep in mind that they are just being boys, and my best friends' son got caught looking up porn with his little buddies at his 12th birthday party so it is "normal" in a way. It just won't be accepted in any way, shape or form. They will be taught why these sites are inappropriate for them and that if they are curious they need to talk to us first.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 5:18 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I would address it with both of them at the same time, and I wouldn't even ask which one did it. I have 2 boys myself, and often (they are only 8 & 5) I find that trying to find out who did it is more hassle than it's worth. I would simply tell them that you found these sites, and you don't know who did it, but you know it was one of them. Explain that it is inappropriate and unacceptable for them to try to go to these kinds of sites and that if you discover it again, they will lose their internet privileges or get parental controls put on them and a severe loss of privacy, BOTH of them. I'd also tell them if they are curious about sex or women, that they should talk to you or their dad instead of looking up anything on the internet, and remind them that although the internet is great, it is not always accurate, and what they find online might not be correct or true. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:44 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

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