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Pushy MIL...HELP

I have a very pushy MIL. I need some advice on how to deal with her. She constantly wants to take my one year old on her own and will not take no for answer. I don't feel comfortable with this for many reasons...her lifestyle and habits, safety issues around her house and also her driving. There are many reasons that going into detail would take all day. I've been telling her no for the past year. She continues to make a nursery in her home, buy car seats for her car, all kinds of stuff. We try to make time to see visit her every week or every other if we're busy but it's not enough. When it's time to leave our visit with her she says to my baby, you want to stay with grandma don't you or tell your mommy you want to stay with grandma. She also calls crying to my husband making him feel guilty or sends rude emails. My husband thinks she is a sweet innocent lady but i think she is manipulating and I can't stand it. Please Help.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:31 AM on Jun. 4, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Start here -> My MIL is a Crapburger. http://www.cafemom.com/group/32665 - the ladies give GREAT advice when it comes to pushy overbearing MIL's like yours Also, Fallaya hit the nail on the head - Mil's tend to be pushy, expecially when it comes to the grandkids. It's their sense of entitlement, which doesn't really exist. Being a grandparent is a privilege.Just because your MIL went out and bought nursery stuff & a car seat DOES NOT mean your child has to use it, EVER. If you have a bad feeling about leaving your child w/MIL - GO WITH IT. Your Mommy Instincts are usually 100% right on. Your the Mom and what you say goes. Your MIL needs to learn that NO is a COMPLETE sentence. There is no "rule/law" that says MIL (or GP's for that matter) absolutely HAVE TO BABYSIT. Seems like she has the open invitation to visit the baby at your home, she just doesn't want to because thats not what SHE WANTS.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:50 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • If you don't feel comfortable then you need to go with your gut. Let your MIL know that you DD doesn't stay the night away from home yet. You aren't ready for her to do that. Maybe when she is a little older and can tell what it going on at grandma's house then it may be okay.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 9:37 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • o wow sounds like my MIL. I would be very blunt and frim with her. What you say may hurt her feelings because of you having to be so straight forward. But thats the only way shes going to listen. I would tell her that visiting will be done with you around. you will bring your son over when you want to not when she wants you to. If your husband gets mad I would tell him that she is manipulating him. Give examples. I would not respond to her rude e-mails either. I would block her. I would also inform that you will unblock her when she can write something pleasant. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I have a friend who's mil wanted to take her son for some time. She finally agreed to meet her at a park that she knew and trusted and let her have him there for an hour while she ran errands. I know it's hard to let go of your little one,e ven for a short period of time, even harder if you don't trust the person. It's taken me a while to trust my fil with my kids, but that's also because my relationship with him is very poor. My son is 5 and spending his first night with his papa tomorrow. What if you found a gymboree type activity in the area and ask if your mil would mind being there with her. That way you can drop dd off and know that dd won't be alone there with your mil. There will be staff there and other mom's. Ask her to come to your place and watch dd. Tell her you're not comfortable with dd being away from you or home and that she should bear with you and take things one step at a time.It could be good:)
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 9:47 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • You really need to check out our group, My MIL is a Crapburger. http://www.cafemom.com/group/32665/
    Dewdlemom

    Answer by Dewdlemom at 9:47 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Is this her only grandchild? If so that could be why she is so 'obsessed' with having your child at her house. I think you and your husband need to talk to her, let her know that you BOTH feel your child is too young to be left at her house. I would say something like "when Susie is older I am sure she would Love to spend time at your house.... but right now we feel it is best that she not do sleep overs. I am sure you understand". Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:48 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Your husband needs to handle her. I would be pissed at her attempts to upset your baby when it is time to leave. My husband and I would be inclined to pipe up with "If you are going to create a problem when it is time to go, then we don't have to come back." and follow through on it. Punish Grandma for her childish behavior and see if she steps back into line. but DH has to be the one to say it, not you. at least not the first time.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I appreciate all your advie. This is her only grandchild so I do understand that she wants alot of time with her. Meeting her in neutral place and letting her visit for awhile is a really good idea, my only concern is that she will leave there with my baby in the car and then meet back at the selected time. She is very bossy, a know it all and does not listen to anything I tell her about how I want to raise my daughter. I've caught her in numerous lies so that scares me a little that she can lie to my face and I have asked her on several occasions not to smoke around my baby and I have caught her doing it. My husband completely sides with her and I feel like I just can't win.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Why don't you let her come over to your house and see the grand child..Do you treat your mom the same way????
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:33 AM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Maybe she wants to be the best grandma around,and probably really yearns to spend time with her grandbaby.I wish my mom had that desire,lol. But if you say you've got your reasons,then you've got your reasons. Can you talk to her woman to woman, explain to her some of your concerns and maybe she'll make the changes needed to provide a safe visit.She may mean well but is coming off in the wrong way? Good Luck..I know mother in laws can be a pain in the booty...but she's there for life.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:30 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

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