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My marriage has fallen apart.

My DH does not trust me, at all. No matter what I do he is suspicious. I have never gave him a reason to not trust me. We started dating when I was 17 and he was 23, he didn't trust me then either. I was hoping he would get over his trust issues. After 9 years of marriage and 3 kids later, he still doesn't trust me.
I got a letter from a GIRL friend. He automatically lit into me and I told him it was a GIRL friend, not a guy. he didn't believe me. I told him to feel free and read the letter, he wouldn't. I am just done with his trust issues and I feel no matter what I do he will never trust me. When my rapist was harassing me, DH blamed that one on me too. he still harasses me when I have to go to town to the store. Somehow that is my fault. The dude is crazy. I don't know what else to do. I have tried and tried and nothing is ever good enough. Would you walk away? I have done suggested marriage counseling and he says no.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Jun. 4, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Why did you get into this marriage in the first place. I'm not one for advocating divorce, but you have to consider what his behavior is teaching your children. You can't keep a relationship alive that was in critical condition before it began and is dead now. You can't save a relationship alone.  I'm sorry to say all this and I don't mean to be hurtful, but it's time to move on. 


    You may want to consider some counceling for yourself as well, this may have hurt you in deeper ways than you can imagine.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • yup, leave
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 3:08 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I'm sorry, that sucks, but it isn't going to change. Do you want to live your whole life feeling like someone is looking over your shoulder?
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 3:09 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Do some snooping. I bet he's hiding something HE did. And he is trying to make you out to be the bad guy. Trying to make you mess up, so he can have a 'reason' to leave you. Snoop, and find what he's hiding.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 3:11 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • He's got his own issues. He is just typical unfortunately he is more than like cheating or doing something he feels guilty for and throws it on you. You should go to counseling for yourself then see how to work things out for you and your children.

    Vivian63

    Answer by Vivian63 at 3:11 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • You need to get your family and his family together and address his problem. This is borderline abuse..it can't be good for your mental health. If he doesn't want to even try to work on the marriage I think you should leave.
    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 3:12 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • You don't want your kids to think that this is how a marriage is supposed to be. I'm sorry that you've spent all this time waiting to "earn his trust" but I don't think it's gonna happen. I HATE divorce, but you have to think of the unhealthy example you're setting for your kids, especially if you have any boys. I have seen little boys pick up the worst habits from their fathers reguarding the way they treat women. (including violence) Remember, your kids look to learn about life from you. Don't teach them the wrong lessons.
    mmmommy0207

    Answer by mmmommy0207 at 3:16 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Yup if he is not willing to get help then leave and find someone else that will love and care for you like you should be treated. GL
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 3:18 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Well, I got pregnant at 18 and he is the daddy. My parents thought we should get married, since I was expecting his baby. I thought maybe he would stop nagging me all the time. He tried to tear me away from my friends but I refuse to stop talking to them. I told him I was done, and the fighting isn't good for the kids. I think he's accepted the marriage is over. I went out for some alone time to think things over. he threatened to call my parents. I can't live like this. He was snooping through my stuff, I came home and found my drawers open and a notebook missing. I can't do anything right. I realize now I can't fix this marriage alone. Without trust there can't be a marriage. I am done and walking away. He has pictures of girls on his phone, I know what is going on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I know I am hurt, big time. I am not ready to confront my past. I am ignoring it and hoping it will go away. I don't understand why DH thinks it my fault he still harasses me. My aunt even said he is crazy and dangerous. He wants to hurt me, that I do know for a fact. DH blaming me isn't helping anything.
    The fact he tears into me over a stupid and innocent letter is nuts. I got mad at him and he accused me of being defensive, no I was mad and hurt.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Jun. 4, 2009