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Emotional Abuse.

So I've come to realize that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. My SO and I are both semi abusive in that aspect. It's something we would like to fix. We are going to read "The Emotional Abusive Relationship". It's not verbal, no name calling, just little things. He will get pissed and hurt by something I say, and break up with me, tell me to leave. (This was yesterday, the first time he's told me to leave) When he realized I was making arrangements, he started crying and told me he still loves me and not to leave. My question is this, has anyone else been through this? Like I stated before it's not bad, and only every so often, I know he loves me, and he knows I love him. But since he does these things, it makes me insecure, and think he's going to do it again, which makes me say things that make him do it again. I just need advice from ladies who have been there before me. Thanks mamas.

 
Sparta.

Asked by Sparta. at 4:14 PM on Jun. 4, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • I am married, been with my hubby for almost 11 years, this july will be our 7th wedding anniversary and I've been where you are...still go through it now. Relationships are hard and I think with men they just don't want to deal with any issues, they never want to talk, they never want to compromise, and most important they sometimes suck at listening. When things get tough around the house or we are stressed my husband tells me he is going to leave, his easy way is "let's get a divorce" and I know how you feel. How are you supposed to be with this person if your relationship is not stable, you never know if he's going to be there or not. Like you guys we know we love each other and couldn't imagine being without the other. My only advice, if there is love on both ends don't give up, it's easier to walk away then stay and fight for what you believe in. good luck
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 4:24 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Thank you!! Last night I didn't want to leave, but he said he didn't want to be with me, and he didn't love me anymore. I wrote him a letter, and told him if he wanted me, he knew where to find me. He said it hurt him so bad to say those things, but it's exactly like you said, he said it was easier to just not have to deal with it. I made sure he knows next time he says those things and tells me to leave, that I am going to, but I'll be waiting for him to come get me.
    Sparta.

    Answer by Sparta. at 4:38 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • yeah my husband is the same, I am pregnant now and very, very hormonal so he tells me it's not worth it and then he'll "pack his things" and comes back home. Sometimes they just need to be removed from the situation, I've learned over the years my husband doesn't like to be cornered, where me if I were to say that I am leaving I want him to stop me, he wants me to let him go. It's hurful when they say those things but inside you know the truth. It doesn't make it right by any means, you just need to come to an agreement or a compromise that unless you mean what you say, you shouldn't say it at all! Well you can see after many years together we are still working at it, don't get me wrong, we are still happy and you'll have your moments here and there.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 4:48 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Lol, well we've only just had this problem. I think with all the stress of the upcoming deployment it's making matter worse. When he was saying those things yesterday, I could tell he didn't mean it, it was all over his face. But at the same time, he meant it. Make sense? We had an agreement that we came up with the last time this happened, that at the end of the day no matter what is said, what happens, we are still together. And I just kept hoping and hoping that he would remember that. And I guess he did. I don't care if he doesn't stop me from leaving, okay yeah I would, but it would matter if he came and found me, and told me to come home. Another thing is the next day (today) he acts like everything is fine, and back to normal, and I am still hurt and upset....Not badly, but there are some leftover feelings, and all that. How do you deal with that?
    Sparta.

    Answer by Sparta. at 4:57 PM on Jun. 4, 2009