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I'm sure it's more common than I think...

My boyfriend and I live together and have a baby. He's been emotionally detached and has not had his priorities straight since I've been living with him. I had talked to him over and over and then one day I just said I'm tired of being the only one that cares about our family, and puts any effort into our relationship. I just don't care. and I meant it. I just don't feel the same about him. NOW he wants to TRY and BE THERE and all of the things he should have said/done from the beginning...he wants to start doing. I feel like it's too late, I'm just over it all. I told him I didn't want to be around him because I felt bad for not responding to his efforts, (that it's not fair for me to be like that with him)=ex. I ran into an old friend, we dated 6 years ago, and I've always had feelings for him. I'm confused about how I feel. If my friend wasnt in the picture, I still dont think I'd feel like I used to about my x-boyfriend.

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Jun. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Either break up with your boyfriend and move out..Or marry him.

    Answer by louise2 at 4:38 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I've always been suspicious of exes who suddenly want to be the loving, caring guy you wanted them to be when you were together. Like he suddenly learned how to be a spouse when you broke up? He's known the whole time, and didn't care. I suggest you move on...

    Answer by mmmommy0207 at 4:39 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Well, for what it's worth, I felt this very same way with my husband. He felt more like a roommate than a husband for a very very very long time. We went to counseling and our female counselor told me that this was a result of women growing up and being in "settle down mode" much faster than men. Not that I am making any excuses for him, but his stepping up and even saying that he wants to make an effort should count for something. Many men would have said, "see ya later," and left. A man who was behaving like this out of lack of caring would have done that. A man behaves like this many times because he truly does not know better. This is how our father's acted in many cases and it is how our husbands/boyfriends were trained to act in a relationship. It is a lot of work to get them to see things our way but it can be very worth it in the end. And even though you don't feel the way you want to now I read a great quote....

    Answer by mnmom467 at 4:52 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • the other day. It said, "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." So, while you don't feel love and respect now, it can be regained if you want it to and if he wants it to. This is just my opinion of course but I do speak from experience and my husband and I have a much better marriage now that we both realized all of this! Good luck!

    Answer by mnmom467 at 4:54 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I think a lot of your feelings toward him is due to how he's been up until now. I think, if you give him the chance to be the man you've wanted him to be, now that he wants to do it, you may find that your feelings return. I think the best thing to do would be to not associate with the old friend right now, and give the boyfriend a chance. A real chance, several months at least, and maybe even see about some counseling. Then, if things don't work out, at least you'll know that you did everything you could to give the relationship a fair chance, and it just wasn't meant to be, instead of wondering if you ended it too soon and what might have been. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:34 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I have a breaking point too.........Once I reach that point theres no looking back thats not how I plan it thats just the way it is.They are always sorry and could possibly be the perfect man after its too damn late.The feelings are gone alredy.When he reaches out to touch you and your skin crawls It's over :(

    Answer by cfrye29 at 10:49 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

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