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Help her keep a secret?

My step dd is 13 and when I got home from work today she was already home from school because today was just a half day. Well she had boy over,which is knows is NOT allowed when no parents are home, and they were on the patio sharing a cigarette.
She had done this once before, and her dad told her if it ever happened again, she would be grounded for a month with no privileges, and also would have a whole month of hard chores. She tells me nothing was going on with this boy and is begging me not to tell her dad. She has a overnight trip to a waterpark in two weeks with friends she has had planned for awhile, and doesn't want to miss it.
I don't want her to miss it either, but feel like if I keep a secret from her dad, it sends the worng message to her.

What would you ladies do? Any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 5:54 PM on Jun. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Don't lie to your husband. She was informed of the consiquences, yet she continued to disobey. If she is gutsy enought to break the house rules in your own home knowing that there is a chance that she could get caught... what do you think she is doing when she thinks that she is safe from prying eyes. I am willing to bet anything that first off, she is smoking almost regularly, and second, that her and this boy are into a physical relationship even if its only kissing and hands on entertainment. She is not obeying your husbands rules. You keep this secret for her and your on a slippery slide. Trust me, you give her an inch, and she will aim for the whole mile....I remeber being 13. Do better then the parents and foster parents I had. She needs a reality check in the form of a loving discipline, before she ends up with the reality check of a teen pregnacy or addiction to drugs.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 8:59 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I'd tell her dad and let the punishment fall where it may. If you cover up your husband will be furious most likely at both of you or at least you for lying to him by the time he finds out. My kids are older than 13 and I can tell you that is the age to start trouble for parents of any kind more than any other age. If she's lying now about this knowing what's supposed to happen, imagine what's going to happen in an over night water park. Why is she being allowed to go on that anyway? Asking for trouble unless you or husband or birth mom is a chaperone. That was my rule, no overnighters unless I was a chaperone. 3 kids now late teens and twenties and no pregnancies from my son or either daughter.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Tell her you are sorry but she was warned. You are NOT her friend. Her dad is not her friend either. If you want her to grow up and be responsible then she has to learn that she must follow the rules and batting her eyelashes at the cop will not get her out of trouble. In this case - you are the cop.
    Yes, she will hate you and may try to make your life a living hell. Just let her know that you will be happy to share secrets with her when they don't hurt anyone, including her.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 6:44 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • i agree with everyone not let her come between your marriage..keeping a secret from your hubby is NOT OKAY..shes playing you like a card.your in a rough position with any step child trying to build a relationship but learning to respect you is ultimately important! i know you may feel bad but 13 and smoking BOOO and having a boy over unsupervised is a NO NO....soo sorry but the girls got it coming she shouldve thought about that before she had him come over..If you dont tell hubby youll feel guilty shell be happy and daddys still clueless then whose learned the lesson?

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 7:35 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Tell him. You can plead for mercy on her behalf, but you should be honest with your husband.

    Answer by apexmommy at 8:13 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • You can't be her cover up. I know you want to be cool, but you can't be. You have to be a parent. If it were you own flesh and blood daughter you'd be furious wouldn't you? This shouldn't be any different. AND her father has a right to know if his daughter is doing things she should not be and that she is disobeying him. You have to tell him. You are a united front with your husband, not your children.

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:09 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Hard as it may be I think you should tell your husband. In the long run, honestly it saves your behind. There Are lessons in life that need to be learned...I remember being built up for months for a Disney land trip....only to smart talk my way out of it two days before we took off......And my grandmother stood firm we did not go. But it sent a message to me, she wasn't playing. If you keep her secret you will be sending the wrong message in my opinion. I can understand your desire to want to keep it, for the sake of yours and hers relationship ...but is your husband and yours relationship ulitmatly (sp) more important? Because in the long run...she'll move'll be stuck with him :) She'll probably be mad at you, and it's gonna suck to see her miss that trip....(maybe you can suggest a few extra chores to dad to see if she can "earn" some free time from punishment, or swap days...) it will work out :) Good luck!

    Answer by MamaCharity at 9:18 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I agree w/ all the others. She was told not to do that & she disobeyed knowing what would happen if she did. Its her own fault that she will be missing her trip but maybe it will get through to her that she dosent want to do it again.

    Answer by Mel30248 at 9:18 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • tell her dad. she knew the consequences of her actions even if it does suck.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:29 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • i'd tell your husband, but agree with the other moms who said that maybe you could plead on her behalf.

    Answer by kyriesmommy13 at 11:08 PM on Jun. 4, 2009