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This makes me sick! (Long)

I can now say I've witnessed the intimidation and coersion tactics of private adoption agencies. My good friends are licensed foster/adopt parents. They were recently placed with a foster child who's mother is due to give birth to another baby and day. The mother had chosen to place the child up for private adoption, however if that would not happen for some reason, the child would be detained by the child welfare program. The adoption agency had helped the mother pick out a white, childless couple from a very small town. After thinking it through, the mother decided she wanted the child adopted into a family that already had at least one black family member and not living in an all white community. She decided that she wants my friend Paulette and her husband to adopt this coming baby. The agency didn't cancel a face to face visit with their PAPs, I believe, because they thought she wouldn't be able to tell them no-

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MommyAddie

Asked by MommyAddie at 9:21 PM on Jun. 4, 2009 in Adoption

Level 4 (40 Credits)
Answers (27)
  • (cont) face to face. So the PAPs travelled quite a distance, believing they were meeting with their matched birthmom, only to be told she was sorry but had made her decision, Scott and Paulette were the people she had chosen; her mind was made up.

    Keep in mind that this woman has an open case with cps, and Scott and Paulette are already licensed to adopt and approved for the placement of this child.

    The adoption agency called birthmom AND them and told them they would need to be licensed through this private agency to continue this adoption. They said they would expidite things, but that they would need a homestudy through them and a deposit of $3500 and in the end a grand total of $25,000. This is all of course not true, the mother does not owe this agency a child to adopt out and Scott and Paulette are certainly not obligated to do business with them But that didn't stop them from trying to intimidate everyone.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 9:28 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • (cont again) So I guess this isn't really a question, but I just wanted to speak my mind about it because I've always wondered if things like this really happened. This agency, just to make some money, tried to prey on a pregnant woman in a tough spot and on the emotions of a hopeful Afamily who would, of course, do anything to bring this child home. Thank God they all had the sense to bring this to the attention of their caseworker and let her handle it! If I didn't believe it before, I believe it now, adoption reform is needed now! Babies are not an industry!
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 9:34 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Playing devils advocate here, once the adoption agency starts "working" they will feel that any couple that benefits from their "work" should have to use them for the Home Study and pay their fee. I believe that most potential bmoms sign paperwork that says that they will not work with more than one couple at a time. The agency (I am guessing) did the background check on the bmom, got confirmation of pregnancy, worked to get personal history information, they maybe helped her with doctors visits, counseling, they may have even helped her with expenses. They provided her with profiles of couples to chose from, maybe answered her questions on each, etc.

    Basically, the agency did a lot of the "work" and now your friend will benefit from it. While I dont think your friends should pay the whole fee, I dont think the Home Study is out of the question. .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Without a doubt, babies are not an industry! I am glad your friends saw through the whole thing. I agree that agencies need changes.

    And rainfalls, if you see this, this is what I meant when I posted to "closed adoptions". Please check if out if you haven't already. I can't believe I was just typing this and here it is in a real life situation. (PS-I am not saying this person has any specific problems, because I don't know personally. But she does have one child in foster care, and is trying not to have this one taken as well, because she knows she won't have involvement after the children are adopted thru CPS, but she has hopes of it if she places for adoption herself. Not judging her in any way, can't say that I blame her.) But perhaps now you can see that there ARE other situations out there. (Again, not saying anything about MommyAddie's friends' situation specifically.)
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 10:35 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • To Anon 9:25 - I understand what you're saying, except it doesn't really fit the situation here. The birth mom changed her mind because that agency didn't provide the PAPs she was looking for. They pushed her to a couple she wasn't completely comfortable with and she changed her mind. Now she will just allow what would happen if she never decided to place her child in the first place and that is that cps will take the baby, (she has 6 children in care and my friends are the foster parents of the youngest, an 11 month old that was beaten until she had broken ribs and lesions on her kidneys and liver) she just will not fight it. My friends have an approved homestudy through our county's foster/adopt program, they in fact just completed two adoptions in March. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 11:05 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • MommyAdie, I was that Annon. Thanks for explaining, I see what you are saying now. I thought this was the case of her starting a private adoption with one agency and then moving to a private adoption with another couple.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • That is completely outrageous! Can the bmom get a lawyer? My DS's bmom had to go to court to choose the couple thru an agency instead of letting CPS choose, and she won. This case is a little different, I know. She's probably feeling too discouraged to fight it anyway. I agree wholeheartedly that the "system" needs reform. Would you be willing to share the name of the agency so that hopeful adoptive parents and emoms can avoid them?
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:52 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Iamgr8ful - I sure will, Lutheran Counseling Services. The birthmom was very certain she wanted to place this baby for adoption, but she really didn't want it adopted to all white family, and she certainly didn't want it growing up in an all white community, which is understandable. My friends have an adopted AA child and we live in Milwaukee, Wi which has a pretty diverse culture as well as a large foster care/adoption community. The angency, however, really pushed her to this couple and told her it was the only way to keep her child out of the system. On another note, the mom is working to get back the 11 month old, and my friends think she will.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 7:49 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • I'm not surprised in the least. People think it's not happening today, but it's rampant. Sickening?yes.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:14 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • I ditto onethentwins ... people think "adoptions are different now than they were years ago"
    but the coersion and pressure and manipluation (all stemming from greed) - it is all STILL THERE TODAY!!!

    Thanks MommiAddie for sharing this story.
    Often natural moms are dismissed as "bitter and angry" when they tell about the experience- and their voices are ignored and the much needed reform is too slow in coming.

    You sharing is important because you are just reporting what you witnessed. The unbiased truth.
    and I thank you for posting it here.

    JoesGirl

    Answer by JoesGirl at 5:08 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

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