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Step parenting

My daughter caused a serious financial problem to our family. She was wrong, and she shouldn't have done it. But during the an argument between my husband, her stepfather, and I he yelled that he hated her. He meant it; he said it more than once. This hurt me very much. He feels he has a right to say whatever he wants to me, but he is polite and considerate with others; co-workers, bosses, etc. He doesn't apologize to me for anything else, this is no different. What he doesn't see is that what he said to me about my child was just as hurtful as what she did. If I'm wrong for feeling this way, please let me know. If you are stepparent, talk it over with your significant other, and please let me know.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:14 PM on Jun. 4, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (10)
  • I dont think you are wrong for feeling this way. i dont think he should have said that and i would be EXTREMELY upset. I rarely use the word "hate" it is a string word with a lot of power!
    RhiannonHunt

    Answer by RhiannonHunt at 10:36 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • No feeling is ever wrong
    trying2survive

    Answer by trying2survive at 11:12 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Feelings might not be wrong, but hurtful words are not easily forgotten and also create bad feelings.

    When words are said that should not be, like when you are saying that he uses self control to be respectful to co-workers, bosses, etc. you know that he is able to control himself and his words. Yes, I agree he might be the most angry he has ever been, BUT, he has crossed a clear boundary with his wife that will cause hurt and choices to be made that he might not be so happy about.

    Sit down with him and be sure to tell him exactly how you feel, in a controlled clear minded manner. Tell him how much it hurts you even tho you agree that the issue is severe (the daughters terrible mistake), BUT, that when he says such hurtful words, he digs deep into your heart. Explain that you would never think to go that far and that a boundary has been crossed.

    You will need to think of what your response will be if that boundary.
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 1:04 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • ..is crossed again. For instance, if he continues to say extremely hurtful words, I would have my particular response ready, but also be sure that you are willing to carry out that response. I would simply say "If you say these harsh words again that tells me how you really feel about my family, then I'm afraid I will not stand and listen to you. I will walk away and not hear you. You are welcome to feel anyway you need, but I do not have to hear those words."
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 1:15 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • I am a step parent and so is my husband. It is truly the hardest job in the world. What he said is not right at all. Hubby and I have an agreement that we will not interfere in each others parenting. It makes it so much easier. He will support my decisions and I his. If we are upset about the boys we speak together privately not in front of the boys. You are not wrong with feeling the way you do. You should tell him how you feel. Good Luck
    dillonsma

    Answer by dillonsma at 2:41 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • men are stupid. They don't think about what they say. I'm sure if you asked him he'd say he hates what she did and not her as a person. He just worded it wrong.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:22 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • I'm a step mom too.My husband has never said he hated my children from my first marriage.But as teenagers they've done their share of chaos.I could tell that he hated what they were doing or got into.But he never came out and said it.I would feel the way you do.I think you two need to talk when you both are not angry.And remind him that it is unacceptable to say that about her, and you won't say that about his kids.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 6:16 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • I'm a step-mom to my dh's son, from marriage 1, and daughter, from marriage 2. We married when my daughter was 2 1/2 yrs. old., she's really the only father she's ever known. All 3 kids have always gotten together great, especially the girls. Because I love my husband, I love his kids, though not always their actions. Likewise, my husband loves my daughter, though not always her actions. I can't imagine either of us saying we hated any of our children, whether it be our own or the others! All 3 of them are our kids; to say we hated any of them, would be to say we hated each other. Your children are a part of you, good or bad, better or for worse.. We don't always agree with or like what they do, but, we always love them. To have someone we love say they hate them.....well, he'd have an iron skillet mark permanently engraved on the side of his head!
    grovelady

    Answer by grovelady at 4:16 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • gl
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 8:20 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • not you are not wrong. all guys think they can say whatever when they're mad and never say srry later
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 12:37 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

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