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Spoiled rotten child? Or bad Mom? Please help.

I am a SAHM to a beautiful 19mo. lil girl that is driving me insane. I have asked her doctor & my doctor, but they didn't give me any answers. My daughter has prematurely hit her terrible twos BIG TIME! She is constantly doing things she KNOWS she is not suppose to do. Is always trying to get her way with everything she does, and every time I say no to her, or try to offer her something else to do/have she throws the most horrible tantrums. (kicking, screaming, biting, hitting, head butting, etc.) It's getting to the point that I can't bring her into stores without her flipping out within the first 5 minutes, car rides are impossible, and forget about bed time. She's getting so bad now that she is leaving cuts and bruises on herself and on me from trying to stop her and calm her down & anything I do doesn't work. I just don't know what to do anymore, and I think I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. What do I do?!?

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dragonbaby6

Asked by dragonbaby6 at 3:58 AM on Jun. 5, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (13)
  • My dd is 19 mo and also started the tantrums! When she throws something, I put it up and tell her she doesn't get it anymore. When she started laying on the floor kicking and screaming I would put her on the couch and tell her until she is ready to "talk" to me, she stays there. I always explain that I understand she's frustrated but she NEEDS to talk to me in other ways because I don't put up with the fits! When she started hitting me, I gave her a smack on her butt, and that stopped immediately. As far as biting, I bit her back enough for her to know it hurts, pinching too. When we go to the store, i hold her otherwise she tries to run away. When she squirms I tell her shes gunna fall and hurt herself and one time she did fall (i was kneeling down so it was maybe 3 inches) and she has never done it since.
    I understand it's VERY hard to deal with, i hope this helps you at least a little and GL!!!
    07lilmama1108

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 4:18 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Time out!! My Dr. said put them in time out a min for their age. He said he does it with his. It works for me. Also you may wanna try spanking. But when she throws the fits walk away dont give in. Stay strong mommy!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:49 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • I learned that ignoring tantrums was the only thing that worked. It wasn't easy, but when my kids got out of hand, kicking and screaming, I would simply walk away. I would do the dishes, sort the laundry, anything to remove myself from the equation. Once they realized that I did not care about their screaming, and would not give in, they stopped.


    I used the same idea for time-outs. I would put them on the bottom stair by themselves and not talk to them until they served the full punishment (1 minute per year of age). If they got up before time was served, I would silently put them back.


    It usually took a couple of weeks for each one to catch on, but they did. I think most of this behaviour is to see our reactions. If they don't get one, what's the point?

    mom2cjj

    Answer by mom2cjj at 9:19 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Why do you say prematurely?? I hate to tell you this but the terrible twos start around 18 months & last throughout the 2 y.o. mark & into the 3's . they call it the terrible 2's because it encompasses the whole second year The first thing I would suggest is consistency. The second thing is the book 1-2-3-magic. I have used it with both my kids & it works..... BUT you have to always use it don't stop. When she throws a fit tell her to stop and tell her if she doesn't then you will leave the store. Then follow thru. Never make a threat about punishment unless you plan to FOLLOW THRU 100 %. Be firm with her. Start taking away things of hers that she loves and values. If she will not listen tell her she will lose this toy or that show you get the idea. Then follow thru. She is at an age where she is learning what she likes & is testing the waters.

    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 9:27 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Well the terrible twos have been the threes, fours six, seven, eights, they just have changed in ways and duration. (she wasn't so bad at 5)I have tried everything, time outs, talking, consequences, and two times a slap in the butt at different times in her life, but she has a circunstance in her life, that keeps popping on and off and she is using it to continue this behavior. She apologizes, and promises not to "ever" do it again, but each day is a challenge. She is extreemely smart, and I think she knows what I am thinking before I do. I know is not any help for you, but this one is driving me crazy.

    The time out work well for the twos, even if for the first few times you sit there and hold her down on the spot. oh, putting her to bed early, no tv program, what works for older kids too. now I also give mine the "silent treatment" which she hates.

    Good luck, and stay put
    Madrepor2ndavez

    Answer by Madrepor2ndavez at 9:29 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Maybe if you understood that this isn't just them being "terrible" but trying to learn about boundaries and independence, it would help how you felt about it and your approach. Its hard to know how to handle something if you don't entirely understand then underlying issue. My and actually all my friend's 14 month olds are going nuts right now like they're starting the terrible 2's. She's driving me nuts (you're not alone!), but I just make sure I'm consistant, firm, give praise whenever I can and remove some of the bigger temptations where I feel like I'm just yelling at her after a while. I also walk away sometimes because I can't stand it and I'm still trying to find what works. I can't tell you what would work best for your LO because I think there are many approaches and it depends on the child and the situation. I can tell you one recent success we had, though! Emma was freaking out when I tried to put her hat on...ctd.
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 10:00 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • ctd. when she was out in the sun. I finally took her inside and then later when she wanted out I said "you have to wear your hat or we can't go outside" and she let me put it on and didn't take it off! It was huge. I guess my point is that you have little victories and you just keep trying to learn from them. She's started to freak out in public and I just try to bring a special toy for outings only so she's distracted. She screams for my keys so I got the Parent's brand keys and they're realistic enough to keep her happy for almost an hour. Good luck!
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 10:01 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • My daughter did the same thing and time outs just became a game to her, even though I did them by the book. We're working on it, but for bedtimes, daddy puts her down now. She tries less crap with him and I get a break. We also started a bedtime routine to get her more accepting of it. It seems to have helped a lot. Just don't let her fight her way out of bedtime or she'll just keep doing it and get overtired. It took a few days of just leaving our baby in the crib yelling for her to realize that she can't act like that and get cuddled at night.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Children at this age can be very difficult but try & rember they r learning about our world & how things work. Don't be afraid to take a time out for yourself when you feel you can handol any more.I suffer from depression & have 2 girls 9 & 19 mos your not alone you can do it:)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • im felling the same way!!my son (i hate to say it)is horrible i cant stand him anymore hes actually in time out screaming for breaking a plate*((yes my 2yr old throws plates and everythin)its crazy liek i feel so over whelmed at time cus its jus me my mom doesnt help his fathers not around and every1 else its out an about wit there own lifes!
    mamabear0824

    Answer by mamabear0824 at 11:04 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

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