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I really like him, but he has a kid. Help!

Ok. I'm not a mom or planning on being one anytime soon. In fact, I've never really been around children. My family is not extremely close, and I'm an only child. So I just haven't really had the opportunity to be around babies. Here's the problem. The guy I'm dating has a son, he's 13 months one week old. He is going to bring him over so I can meet him and hang out. I am VERY nervous. I just don't know what to expect or how to handle this kid. I really like this guy, and I just want it all to go well when I meet the most important person in his life. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Answer Question
 
el_em_see

Asked by el_em_see at 11:14 AM on Jun. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Just be nice, and don't try to force the kid to come to you or sit with you or anything like that. I'd limit touching the dad so the child doesn't feel jealous or left out or anything. Maybe pick up a couple of small toys for him to play with. Just be sincere.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:17 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • i'm sure the guy will understand that you're not perfect and you won't know exactly what to do since you've never had a child before. 13 monthers aren't too hard to please, anyway. have some gerber puffs for the visit and maybe a toy and he'll be just fine. but keep in mind that his son is very important to him so showing an interest will be important to him also.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • just be yourself. try not to compalin about the kid or what hes doing and just have fun. try to observe him and what he does make nice commetns and just try to get to know his son. remember that if you love this man loving his son shouldnt be too hard.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Take it easy. You're meeting his child not marry him right this minute. Relax plan on some things you can do together that include the child. Call the child by name and not "Your child" all the time. This is his son and if you're going to go any further with him then you must get to know his son. If things don't work out then move on. Hard yes but only you can decide if you want a possible future son in the package. If you don't then be up front and tell him.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 11:18 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • if your not ready to be a mom, then don't even get into that situation. i don't think kids should be introduced to a bunch of different dates because it could become confusing. children require ALOT of attention,money, and love. My son is 14 months old and already in terrible twos. THats a fun age so just play with the kid. Most likely hes walking, and saying a few words here and there. Kids love to loved on and to be center of attention. Or this child could be real shy. So don't be too pushy. Let him come to you first so you don't scare him. Good luck.
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 11:19 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • It's good to see that you know his son is the most important person in his life. I've know girls who think THEY should hold that title. Do you mean he's 14 years old? or 14 months old? I'm assuming it's the 14 months. Have you met the mother? If you date this guy, you have to accept the mother to be in the picture. It's much more complicated than you'd think. If you can't handle all of the extra resposibility, you should move on. If you want to make a sincere attempt at the relationship, I suggest you be ready to have an open mind, be flexible with your schedule, and get the guy to open up about his ture feelings for you. You really need to get a firm hold on what his thoughts are on this situation.

    Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Also.. kids cry. Be ready for that.
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 11:20 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Just be honest with him that you haven't had much experience with children. He should understand. Just be laid back and calm. Don't be too in the kids face or try too hard to get the childs attention. Let it happen naturally.
    Also, you probably need to think if that is something that you want too. Especially, if you aren't planning on having children or being a step-parent.
    MommaM2

    Answer by MommaM2 at 11:35 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • You've got a lot of advice here, so I'm just going to add this... parents can tell when you're faking it with their kid. If you are truly uncomfortable around children, this won't work. But if you're just nervous in this situation, I'm sure you'll be fine. Kids that age are either really easy to please or really shy. So take your cues from the guy and the kid.
    Good luck!
    Oh, yes, and as PPs have said... this guy is a package deal now, so if you're serious about him, but not his kid, then don't pursue it.. otherwise everyone will be miserable.
    motherofanaries

    Answer by motherofanaries at 11:40 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • um, If your not a mom than why are you on Cafemom? really,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

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