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i dont want to say no

my b/f and i have been dating for about 8-9 mos now i have a ds from a previous b/f . my son and b/f get along great thats fine but my b/f want to have a child of his own with me im 20 and my b/f 21 we dont have the best jobs and its hard for us now and my son is 2 i couldnt handle that stress bcus im having stress issues now i see sum1 so im gunna b jus fine ...but what should i tell my b/f hes even tryed to take my birth control so we could concieve but i dont want to at this time gladly in a few months to a year but i couldnt now.

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mamabear0824

Asked by mamabear0824 at 11:42 AM on Jun. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • You really need to talk to him about it(I'm sure you have). 8-9 months is not a very long time to be dating before deciding to have a child. That is a BIG decision and he needs to understand that. It is a huge commitment to bring a child into such a new relationship. I wish you best of luck but my best advice is just to talk to him, and if he can't understand then TRUST me he won't change and shouldn't even be someone to be with in the first place.
    ChristinaDennis

    Answer by ChristinaDennis at 11:59 AM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • He might just be feeling threatened by the ex. Even though they are civil to each other he may just be putting on a front so as not to ruffle your feathers. Or it could be spending all this time with your child makes him want his own to love. It's not an unreasonable request, however, you're right in letting him know that you just aren't ready financially or emotionally. Set a time frame that you'd like to conceive in the future, let him know what your first priorities are and that you love him and want to have a child with him, it's just now is not a good time. Also ask him WHY it's so important to have a baby now.

    Also tell him that hiding your birth control upsets you, and that you trust him enough not to do that again
    CinderAmethyst

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 12:11 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Sounds like he feels a little inferior to your son, which is normal really but you need to sit him down and explain to him that right now is just not a good time to be thinking about having another child. You have good reason for not wanting another one right now, and he needs to respect that.
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 12:27 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • I agree with you this doesnt sound like the time to have a baby. You have plenty of time so thier is no rush. Tell him you arent ready financially or emotionally. 8 to 9 months and you arent ready or able to commit to a marriage, you should not be having a baby together. Stick ot your guns...takes a long time to determine if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Married or not, if you have a baby you will be stuck dealing with him the rest of your life. Figure that out first..you are being very wise to wait!!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:28 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • JUst tell him you want to wait until yall both have better jobs or you have some money saved up.... tell him you will give him a child of his own someday its just not the right time right now..... I'm going through the same thing, so just make him understand that its not easy and you just want to be prepared and make sure you know yall will stay together
    mommy2b17MV

    Answer by mommy2b17MV at 12:48 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • You need to sit him down and tell him that you are not ready for another child at this point in time. Let him know that maybe in a year or so when things get better (better jobs, money saved up...) you will gladly consider the idea. Remember it is YOUR body- do not let him pressure you into something you do not want. If he is being sneaky and trying to hide your birth control-- you may want to talk to your ob/gyn about a long-term birth control option-- that way there are not any 'surprises'. I hope things work out.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 1:11 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • If he wants to have a child with your genetic contribution (he wants his child to have your biological background) then what does this mean? He wants you to hand over the child at birth? It doesn't appear that he is interested in you, otherwise he'd get to know you longer, or marry you to give the children a stable home (although some have stability without marriage.) Love comes first, a stable relationship, and then consider having children. Children are not toys, they are human beings. They grow into teenagers who have a whole set of problems even in a stable relationship. Use your good judgment, which you have since you took the time to ask this question, and don't let him be selfish about something that will change your life forever- having a second child to raise.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:53 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

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