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How to handle (2) 7th gr daughters?

the 14 took one drink of vodka straight from the bottle in front of the 13 and was sworen her to secretcy. The next day the 13 told a friend at school and it turned into the girl and her friends calling her an alcoholic. The 14 obviously upset and felt betrayed. Now the 14 yr old is giving the silent treatment.

the 14 was so upset that she actully came and told me the rumor. The 13 acted like she didn't say anything till I threated to call the other parent to find out where it all started from. Then the truth came out about the drink.

I told the 14 don't talk to her if she couldn't be civil and then asked the 13 why she did it and all I got was "I didn't start the rumor."

My husband is furious about the silent treatment and said it was bulling I looked it up and sure enough it is. We could care less about the drink (cheap vodka straight from the bottle YUCK!) They share a room, classes everything So now what?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Jun. 5, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (14)
  • I have a question. Why are you not upset that the 14 yo is drinking?
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 3:33 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Good Luck, I was a noon aid at the Jr high school the past few years. OMG this age is so weird the girls are even worse than the boys. Time will heal this, at times when the girls came to me with the "he said she said" (even thought it may be true) I said go figure it out yourselves. Most of the time they did. They will figure it out.
    dillonsma

    Answer by dillonsma at 3:35 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • I agree with dillonsma. This age is full of drama. I only really step in with mine and their friend issues if someone doesn't let up and continues to call them names etc. Otherwise I let them work it out too. If I got in the middle of every issue I would never have time to do anything else, lol! However, I would still talk to the 14 yo about alcohol.
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 3:45 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Your priorities are pretty screwed up. Who cares if she is not talking. Let them figure it out. Why the heck are you not concerned about your 14yo drinking?
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 3:52 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • The drinking was 1 drink and my 14 year old has a lot of experience with alcholics. The 13 lives with us cause of an alcohlics she just doesn't get it dealing with the alchol is the easy part
    Fatherless3

    Answer by Fatherless3 at 4:14 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • How many "one drink" episodes has the 14 yo had? If she has relatives that are alcoholics, she's obviously more prone to become one. Drinking early can encourage that. Just because she's had a lot of experience with alcoholics doesn't mean she can handle it or understand it the way an adult can.
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 4:25 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Yeah I have talked her like I said that's the easy part they both hate alcohol and people that have it around the bottle was only left at my house cause my dad and his wife left it there needless to say its gone my husband and I drink rarely rarely meaning this we drank once and that was at our wedding in feb. My kids aren't even around it so everyone can chill out

    I needed to know how to these two from hurting each other any more
    Fatherless3

    Answer by Fatherless3 at 4:44 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • We had to sit our oldest two down a few nights ago and help them work their differences out. We were like the mediators. We let each of them say what was bothering them about the other one. Then we helped them to work through everything. You may have to do that. Also, have them do some things together, just the two of them. Our youngest two can be very mean to each other. So we'll have them play a couple of games together. Just the two of them.
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 4:55 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • My thoughts are A. You need to be concerned about the drinking part. B. Let her have her silent treatment. Its only for so long. C. They are together way too much. It sounds like they have the exact same life. These girls are sisters, they are not the same person. They dont need to be in the same classes. Can that be changed next year? Do they have anything that they do on their own aside from one another? I think thats asking for trouble. I know you cant control the room situation, per se, but they need to be treated as individuals. That might even mean different rules based on maturity and age. I like the mediator idea. I have a 14 and 11 yr old. My 14 yr old is now a 10th grader though. My 11 is a 6th grader. They do not share a room, never have. They do not share interests, they dont even like one another...LOL. I understand the drama though. Teens are very dramatic. Give it time, it will blow over. Deal with the drinking.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 6:36 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • You cant stop them from hurting one another. I read your response after I already posted. You can only make rules about how they speak to one another and physically harming one another. Reiterate to them that in a few years....they will be each others best friend. I know this is true. This likely hurts you more than them and gives you grief. I get it. Really I do. Sometimes the sibling rivalry is so much that I want to run away. I just separate them and move on.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 6:39 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

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