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Am I that horrible? Help!

My son is a good kid mostly but all he wants to do is lay around and be on the computer chatting with his friends. Now that school has been out he stays up all night and sleeps all day! I cant stand it! If I pull the computer and cell phone from him at night he is going to have a fit and become unbearable. I cant let him sleep his life away can I? I do turn the internet off at 11 but I checked and he is texting all night. Fortunately they are not inappropriate "i checked". What do I do???? Am I a horrible mom if I don't let him do what he likes?

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Asked by dillonsma at 3:41 PM on Jun. 5, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (81 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I would also take the phone away at 11 when you turn off the net. I would not force the issue of sleep because he is a teenager, but nothing appropriate happens after this hour. Who cares if he throws a fit? You are the parent, it's your house, and if he does not like it, he can get a job and move out.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 3:44 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Im nineteen, and I used to hate when my mom didnt let me do what i like, fortunately, I got over that! Your son will too, as long as telling him no wont physically or mentally harm him, oh well, he'll get over himself, tell him he gets the computer from such hours as like 12pm-4pm, and thats that, the cell phone is a hard one, because he needs it to call if he goes out or something but tell him you want the phone after 11pm or your disabling the texting, you pay for the phone, right? so its up to you!

    Answer by lilmama31709 at 3:46 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • I don't think your horrible , its a fase when I was 13 I would come home and sleep all day and be up at night on the phone or just on the phone all the time, he'll get over it but you should have bounderies like the stoping the internet at 11:00 and talk to him about the phone and make up a boundery together, comprimise, that way he will feel like your working with him not against him.

    Answer by NicholeAT at 3:46 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • I agree with PP, you should try to come up with a compromise. And, studies have shown that adolescents naturally become a little more nocturnal... who knows why! But most teens' biological clocks are set to stay up late at night and sleep through most (if not all) of the morning.
    Although... I barely slept at all when I was 17! When school was out I worked 2 jobs during the day. I worked on job from 6-2, came home, showered, maybe ate, then went to my other job from 4-10. Then I'd come home, "go to bed", sneak out around 11:30 and come home around 3 or 4 and do it all over again. I did that at least 4 nights out of the week. Thinking back on it... I don't know how I wasn't a complete zombie! lol

    Answer by motherofanaries at 3:54 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Are you horrible? Wow, that's a nasty place to start...

    What are you hoping to achieve? Teens have been staying up all night in violation of their parents' schedules since forever ago. Even Socrates complained that 'this generation is by far the worst ever' in 100bc or something. Even without electronics, your son is clearly having a whole-body rant against daytime.

    It is difficult to protect older teens from cultural messages (like 'you're worthless') that are attached to nightowl behaviour, but, seriously: have you heard of 'graveyard shift'? Lots of people get paid more just for being able to function at 4am. Yippee, he's already qualified for 1/2 the work done overnight.

    People naturally resist pressure. There is pressure to conform thoughout a teen's year, so he caved all school year and now he's decompressing a bit. So? Would it be better for him to cave s'more and pop violently later? Or to cave in utterly?

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:56 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Its a phase....totally.
    I think we all test it in this generation
    but between the ages 13 and 17 if you take away a simple thing like a cell so he cant text it may spark some rebellion...its summer vacation

    when i was that age range and I still lived with my mom she didnt mind if i didnt have school cuz if you think about it schools like a full-tiome job with homework....he's on his break.

    plus most of his friends are probably doing the same thing so its just what they do
    as long as theres no boundary crossed, like sneaking out theres no prob with chatting.

    also if you check his messages it shows you dont trust him...ur invading his privacy which you crave at that age

    start worrying when he stays out all night instead of chatting all night

    Answer by Dom123123 at 3:58 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Wow you guys some great responses. Thanks so much I feel better chatting with all of you and hearing what you have to say. As one of you said I am glad he is here texting all night rather than sneaking out or staying out all night. HUGS to all of you and thanks. I LOVE THIS SITE

    Answer by dillonsma at 4:07 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • when school gets out kids live for that...thats when they get to get on opposite schedules..and do stuff thats outta the norm from the other 180 days of their lives...if your that worried sure take it all away, but i dont see him hurting himself..if you want..try a compromise..go to bed at such and such time as long as your awake by....? that way he doesnt get too off schedule, and you dont worry so bad?!

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 6:18 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • You have to take them away. Otherwise, you will become a prisoner in your own home. Our children lived at home until they finished their undergraduate degrees in college. There were house rules, and they agreed to abide by them in order to live here rent free. I believe you should choose what you consider to be a reasonable shut down time, and when that hour arrives, you collect his toys and you tell him what hour they will be returned to him the next day. I assume these are items that you have bought for him, so technically they are only on loan to him. I would also help him find useful things to do during the day that are helpful to the family. Now is an excellent time for him to learn that work is required in order to have things. You will be doing yourself and him a favor if you make life not quite so cushy. If he's not use to this line of thinking, he probably will balk, but you must remain firm.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:43 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Leave him alone, its summer vacation, thats what its for. Dont listen to these hard asses because I'm 100% sure that you would hate your mom if she did that to you too lol. If it was during school, its a different story.

    I think you are just jealous though, I'm sure you would love to lay around all day, put yourself in his shoes, and realize he is relaxing extremely. =)

    Answer by MammaBella at 9:28 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

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