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How should I address my friend?

We're very close, but there have been a few things that bother me that I feel like I need to address. They all center around alcohol. Her husband has recently started an alcoholic program and she's really glad he has, however I feel she has the same problem. She told me she was "doing good" because she hadn't been drunk in a week. Wow- a week? That's not good! Good is several months!! Years even! She drinks on weeknights, during the day, early mornings, etc. She doesn't see that she has a problem because compared to her husband, she isn't nearly as bad...

Anyways, the other portion is that she only calls me when she's drunk. She always begs me to come hang out. I HATE being around her when she's drunk. I like her sober. She's an awesome girl- tons of fun- but I don't like being around her drunk. I don't drink nearly as often or as much as she does... and right now I'm pregnant so I can't anyway. But it hurts that she CONT..

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Jun. 5, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Well, sometimes the truth hurts. If you really care about her, and really want to confront her, just know that she is going to get angry when you say these things to. The best that you can hope for is that you'll plant a seed in her mind that she needs help too. Maybe in her own time she'll get help. You can't make her want to stop drinking, but you don't have to be around her when she's drunk. Just know that your friendship may suffer when you confront her, though in time you may reconnect if she realizes that you're right and sobers up. She may end up appreciating you for your honesty and recognizing that you cared enough to say something OR she may end up resenting you.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 5:11 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • only calls when she's drunk. She tells me she misses hanging with me and wants to get together, and she BEGS AND PLEADS with me to come over, but I just hate it. I give in from time to time in order to see her, because its the only time I get- but generally once she says she's had a few drinks, I refuse to hang out immediately. She goes into a begging circle that can last HOURS... and she's relentless. I've been telling her "I'm just really tired" or "my husband wants me to stay home and watch a movie with him tonight" to get her off my back- but the truth is, I don't like being around her when she's drunk. How can I tell her the truth without offending her or making her angry with me? I want her to get help, but I'm afraid she'll freak out on me...
    livn4hevn

    Answer by livn4hevn at 5:03 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • "Good" is not being drunk today... or this week or since last month if it's been a problem.

    How fast do you want her perfect self-improvement to take? She can't go back into the past and fix it so it's been years since she was drunk last. What help is it to have you judging that she isn't good enough fast enough?

    Invite her over for breakfast, leave a deadline in place (got an appointment at 11, so it'll have to be quick, kind of thing) and if she doesn't make it over in time, go out as planned and never mention it again. Next time she begs to see you, do exactly the same thing again. Be willing to see her, every single time, but only ever before she's started up her party. She'll give up on you as a dud, or find a way to spend the time she claims to want to spend with you, the way that suits both of you.

    Enjoy the blessings of call display.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 5:26 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • set boundaries. Tell her you will not see her or talk to her when she's drunk. Let her decide on what's important (drinking or having contact with her friend). Hopefully, his example will get her on track.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:45 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • if your preganet then dont confront her alone just in case she get mad enough to push you or something like that wait til shes sobor tell her and have her husband tell her too that she has a promblem and tthat you dont like to be around her when shes drunk and tell her that you want her to get help GOOD LUCK
    myangelelena

    Answer by myangelelena at 7:48 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • First of all if her husband is getting help with his drinking she should be supporting him, instead of going out to bars at night how long do you think he will last sober if she comes home trashed, try talking to her about that. It won't matter to her if you tell her that she's the one with the problem, because she doesn't think she has one. Good luck
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 2:58 PM on Jun. 6, 2009