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SD 14 and "some guy" 17

My 14 yo SD lives with my DH and me full time.I have been around since she was 6 yo. The BM is only allwed to see her on Saturdays for 4 hours. So a few months ago the BM took the SD to a hockey game and SD met a guy who is 17 yo. SD is on the phone with him everyday(its like damn clockwork all I do is walk in her room and tell her to get off the phone lol) they dont see each other at all just try to talk on the phone. Whenever shes asks me to take her over to his house "his mom will be there" I always tell her "no". So we get into the fight about how he's to old for her. Then she brings up the fact that "hes not that much older than me" BS and she ends up yelling at me and telling me that I have no say in her life. Its MY house MY rules! My DH is siding with me (for once), the BM just dosent care what SD does. Please tell me Im doing the right thing by trying to keep SD and this guy apart? Getting a bad feeling.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:54 PM on Jun. 5, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (16)
  • I agree that she is too young to be talking to a guy that is 3 years older than her. I say that she is 14 and your house and your rules apply.

    Answer by coala at 7:58 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Yes your doing the right thing. When your that young there is a huge difference between 14 and 17. Try explaining to her why it's wrong instead of just telling her no. Maybe if she can see where your coming from it will make a little more sense to her. Good luck, I remember my sd at that age. Eventually it does get better.

    Answer by sadira29 at 7:58 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Get her father involved, she might listen to him more since he is her father.

    Answer by staceynoel at 8:05 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • You and DH need to discuss your ideas of parenting and your rules for children. In my family 14 was way too young for dating. It was at least 16. She can argue that they're not dating....after all, you don't let them be together. So you can give her a certain amount of telephone time every day. She can use it on whoever she wants. But when the timer goes off, the phone hangs up. Easy privilege to give, easy rule to enforce. Don't even bother to get into it. There's really nothing to argue about. The parent rules and that's it.

    Answer by EireLass at 8:09 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • You are doing the right thing. She is way too youung for him at this stage in her life. I wouldn't even let her talk to him on the phone, but that's me! :o) Please don't feel bad. You're the adult and you know what's good for her. Stand your ground and stay strong!

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 9:26 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Find out when his birthday is, and the day he turns 18 get a restraining order. Or better yet, invite him over for dinner and put him on the spot about why a 17 year old is trying to get in your 14 year old daughter's pants. I doubt you will have any trouble after that.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:35 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • ofcourse as a mom you should have concerns, the thing is, the wheel is already in motion, meaning she already has a likeing for him regardless what age! if i were you i would met this young man and find out why he has an intrest in a 14yr old, see what kind of kid he is, only because you don't want SD to call you the bad guy, and start to sneak around to met with him, i would not allow her to go visit him, however i would allow him to visit in our home with hubby/myself present. we can't stop them from growing up and liking boys and boys liking them, we can teach them about life and help them grow up to be resposibly. we never want to except that our children are ready to date, however it is what iy is and no amtter what you say or do they will do what they want so instead of saying NO! and that's that meet her half way, and when you think about it, if you get to know this guy atleast you can tell if he's right for her?

    Answer by mememommie at 11:47 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Exactly how mature is she?

    Normally, I'd say 17 is a tad too old for a 14 year old. But..

    When is she turning 14? When did he turn 17?

    When I was 14, I dated a 17 year old. I also hated guys my own age (still do for the most part). A 17 year old boy usually has the mentality of a 15 year old. A 15 year old is just as likely to want to have sex as a 17 yo. I NEVER had sex with my 17yo bf. We kissed, we cuddled, we went to movies, but we NEVER did anything that involved pants being unzipped.

    Depends on the people, the specific age differences, maturity levels, etc. Maybe you should find out his bday, ask her what she thinks she's going to get out of a relationship with this boy, as him the same thing. And getting a restraining order on him when he turns 18 is ridiculous!! Are you going to risk ruining that boys life when he's 18 just because he liked a 14 yr old girl when he was 17? Not a good idea.

    Answer by _Jynxx_ at 12:18 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • no !!!!!
    wait daes she love him .if she does no
    couse what if that was you and you loved the guy
    would you wont sombody to do that to you

    Answer by ilovewes at 6:48 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Shes right...theyre not that far apart...but those are VITAL freshman/senior..theres a big bit of growing that goes on in those i would try to explain that to her..but even if..your her "mom" so you dont have to try to be her best friend..i wouldnt try to keep them from talking all together though! that might push her to do something glad ur hubby is siding with you...that should make things easier..

    She DEF has no business going to his house..if anything..maybe "hang out" at a movie with you there or drop them at the mall with YOU THERE!!! <<

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 6:48 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

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