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What do you think about the idea of staying together for the kids?

I am just not happy!
I've been married for 5 years and have 2 beautiful children ages 2 and 4.
I know it will break there hearts if we get a divorce. I'm from a divorced family and know how divorce can have a profound effect on children. I just don't want them to go through that. On the other hand, They will soon realize I'm unhappy. We have tried counseling several times and we just can't seem to get it right. We're at the point we barely have two words to say to each other. Any thoughts on this.....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:38 PM on Jun. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • it's ridiculous. If you don't love each other -- or at least LIKE each other, what kind of environment is that to raise kids in??

    Better to happily co-parent from different addresses than to expose them to your misery & resentment for the next 18 yrs.

    Maybe you'll discover you're much better apart than together.

    My parents divorced when I was 15. They just couldn't live together... they just got on each others nerves too much. After that, I moved with my mom several hundred miles away. My friends thought it so odd, but my dad would come to visit & stay with us in our house for 3-4 at a time. Even today, the 3 of us all live next door to each other. They get along fine --- as long as dad can head home when the bitchin starts! lol
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 9:03 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • It's better to be from a broken home than in one and at the age they aren't going to understand much of what is going on.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • They would probably handle divorce better than having miserable parents. Because if you aren't happy they will know it. Plus you don't want your kids to grow up thinking being miserable in a marriage is ok do you? I know it will be hard but now when they are young it might be a bit easier. I really hope things work out for you. Good luck. Remember you do deserve to be happy.
    TeriMelisa

    Answer by TeriMelisa at 9:06 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • If you stay together, your kids will sense the hostility and probably hear the fighting and think that's normal in a relationship. Do you really want them running into the same situation when they're adults? That's what can happen. Yes, the kids will be upset at first, but they will get over it and move on, especially as young as they are. It's sooo much better for them in the long run to end it now, as it will be harder on them the older they get.
    xraydri

    Answer by xraydri at 9:07 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • kids will be unhappy if the Easter bunny, Santa or tooth fairy don't show up. Kids get unhappy over lots of stuff. They adapt. If mom is unhappy then they sense it and they are unhappy. It's just the way of life but I do NOT believe in staying in a bad relationship "for the kids". They grow up and figure it out and they know you have insulted them. You cheated them out of happiness. I was thrilled when my parents divorced. I almost cried when I thought they were going to get back together. The yelling just made me physically ill. Do your kids a favor and start packing. My x and I got along a lot better when we divorced and the kids were fine.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:12 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • I agree with Laura (first poster)
    Fully against it! ---- Kids learn to love through their parents. You wont properly teach your child what a healthy relationship is if your not in one...
    Kids are smart & can since alot & hear alot more than we know! (you know all the stuff you over heard as a kid... i know i do!)
    Change is hard... change is made to grow.. change will make you stronger.. It wont be easy, but I bet your kids would rather have a happy life in 2 homes than a bad life in 1 home..

    Just make sure you 2 are on the same page for the kids. you parent the same. you communicate well for the kids.. ect. ect..

    Best of luck!
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 9:36 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • It is a bad idea. You are just teaching your kids to stay with someone even when you aren't happy. If your husband and you work together, they children will not be affected as bad from a divorce. Do what is best for you and your kids. Keep communication open with your husband. A happy mom is a much better mom.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:04 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • Wow I am the odd woman out. I have the most fantastic husband in the world now but seeing what the divorce process did to my kids and watching them suffer every single holiday/weekend....argggggg.... We even had a very amicable divorce and it was/is still hard on them.

    If you can fake it then fake it. Children get stuck in a tug of war...and they are too little to decided where they want to be or to be force to go somewhere they don't want to go. I got my children not because their daddy was a bad guy but because that's just the way it went. Although dad is very involved and a great dad all the way around, that does little to lessen the burden on them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • ack that was my post...didn't mean to be anon..

    I believe that the needs of the children should come first. Again I say this after having been there so I know some will call me a hypocrit but these are just my two cents and not a judgement call. Either way I wish you and your family the very best and hope everything works out for you all in the best manner possible...
    mamakirs

    Answer by mamakirs at 10:16 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • I do not agree with the above. It's just stupid to stay in a loveless marriage. Your kids will sense it. I come from a broken home and I am happy that my parents divorced. It was the best thing they did for us.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

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