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If you could change one thing (or ANYTHING) about how your adoption process went, what would you change?

*Birth Mothers.. you can't say, "I wouldn't have gone through with it." That's cheating :).

1) I would have educated myself better on the aftermath affects

2) Spoken with individuals who have given children up for adoption, adoptees, and adoptive parents so that I knew what I was getting into and IF this was the right choice for me and my son.

3)I would have spent more alone time with my son before signing my rights, and I would have kept my son's adoptive parents out of the hospital after my labor and delivery.

4) I would have interviewed other couples hoping to adopt before jumping the gun and having my parents do so; it is something I regret.

I'm sure I have more, but that's all I could think of! This question is for also adoptive mothers, and even adoptees! Even though the adoptees didn't have a say in the matter, what would you have liked?

Answer Question

Asked by rainfalls at 8:47 PM on Jun. 5, 2009 in Adoption

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • I dont know if there is something that I think that I wish had changed about the process itself, maybe things like

    1. I wish I was more aware of the effects that it was going to have on my oldest daughter and I after placement.

     2. I wish that the agency I went through offered or even mandated counseling before and after placement and not leaving it to the "birthmother" to seek on her own.

    3. I wish that the "Open Adoption Agreement" was enforceable in ALL states if that is the type of adoption plan made.

    4. I wish that someone who had at least TRIED to explain to me the pain you feel of giving a piece of your heart and soul away, even after 2 yrs

    The family I chose for my daughter are indeed wonderful people. I get two letters a yr and one visit per yr. We are about to have our second next week. But I wish we had/would have relationship a lot tighter/stronger than what it is.


    Answer by TLW514 at 8:59 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • TLW514, I'm sorry to hear that you're not getting more updates. Maybe that will change in the future.

    I can't say I'd change anything about the process with DD. With DS's adoption, I wish that CPS had kept their hands out of it, since bmom was in the process of looking at profiles and choosing a family at the exact moment that they took custody. That meant a court battle for her, and we got our son at 4 weeks. We missed out on some time with him and have only three pictures from the first few weeks. Also, I wish we'd had more chance to get to know our bmom. We met her the day we picked him up from the foster home. It was us, her, baby, our agency SW, the CPS SW, and the foster family. Okay, so I listed two things I would have changed!

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:56 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • I don't know if there would be much I would change about our adoption process. We adopted through foster care and our daughter was placed with us straight from the hospital. Our adoption was final when she was 15 months old.

    I guess if I could change anything, it would be that they would look out more for the best interest of the child and not give the birthmom so many chances when she's blown it time and time again. I think they sometimes put too much emphasis on reunification, when they should look at each case individually and make decisions based on what's in the best interest of that particular child.

    Answer by mommytoadam at 8:44 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • I would have hit delete the first time I was invited to join cafe mom.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • My kids would have come home more quickly.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • I love how Aparents are all talking about changing the selfish things in their adoption....

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Does it count by using what we have learned since the adoption happened?

    If so . . .

    I would have NEVER formed a relationship with my son's aparents BEFORE I gave birth.

    I would have NEVER had them in the delivery room and allowed their constant visits to the hosptial.

    I would have been stronger and told everyone how I was feeling and that I wanted to keep my child and I wouldn't have cared what my son's aparents thought and I would have walked out of the hospital with my son in my arms like I wanted to.

    Answer by bellacocco at 6:42 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Jeez... could we try to act like civil human beings. The OP asked what would you like to change? Not that you wouldn't change anything... RIDICULOUS!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • My daughters birthmother and I had an open adoption agreement. And we kept it up for the first year. Since then, I cannot reach her. She will not return phone calls or letters. I would change the fact that she is not keeping an open adoption.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Jeez calm down. Everyone has the right to answer questions in their own way. You didn't even answer the question, only coming in to throw punches. How ridiculous and uncivil is that?


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

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