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Do you think I would be selfish to ask this?

I'm seeing someone who lives several hours away. We are not yet to the point where we're super serious, but we're working our way toward it. He has a job he has been at for several years, has bought his house, and has family where he is. I have bought my own home and have family where I live. He has no kids, I have 2. My kids have gone to school here their whole lives, have friends, and grandparents close by that they see pretty much every day. IF and/or when we reach the point of wanting to live together or get married, would it be selfish of me to want him to come here, so I dont' uproot my kids and can keep them by their family? Or do you think I should be open to going where he is?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Jun. 6, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I will not relocate my kids for someone that has no kids. I want my kids to go to high school with the same kids they are going to elementary school with.


    Answer by VeronicaLee at 10:18 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • You're jumping ahead. It depends on how old your kids are when/if it happens. Your kids may be out of school when that time comes.

    Answer by EireLass at 10:10 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • They're not that old, only 9 & 7.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • As someone who changed schools several times growing up, I don't think it's that big of a deal. I think the deciding factor would be which of you would be able to find a job in the new location and which house would more easily sell. I think you both should be open to both options.

    Answer by Christina807 at 10:15 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • I don't think changing schools is that bad of a thing. My kids will inevitably go to several schools, it's just the nature of our lives (we're a military family). I would definitely go with who could easily get a job, and who could sell their house easier. Or you could both sell and move somewhere in the middle and everyone start over.

    As someone who was with the same kids for 13 years (K-12), I can say while it was nice, I was always looked at as the same person, even when I had grown up and changed. I was the same girl they knew in 2nd grade... I would have loved the chance for people to get to know the real me, when I was 16. And in this day and age, there's no reason why kids shouldn't keep in touch with the ones they want to keep in touch with.


    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 10:24 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Sorry, I was going to say, "Definitely weigh your options and give it some serious thought. Also, talk it over with the guy once it gets that serious. He may have no problems moving to where you and your kids live."

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 10:25 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • See, that's the thing. I know he would move to where we are, he's that kind of guy. I just am worried that it would be selfish of me and that I would be taking advantage of the fact that he would do it.

    And it's really not so much the school and their friends, although that is playing a small role in why I'm thinking about this stuff, it's mostly my parents. We live right down the street from my parents, and my kids get to see them pretty much every day. My ex, their father, doesn't come see them, and his family doesn't contact us either, so my family is all they have. And while I know his family would accept my children with no problem, I feel like it would be wrong to take them away from the only family they've had up to now. And I don't want to take advantage of him and his willing nature, either. It doesn't help that my ex said (con't)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • I was always wanting to be a control freak. He cheated, lied, all kinds of horrible stuff, but I do sometimes wonder if there was any truth to what he said, and I don't want to make that mistake again, if in fact there's any chance he was right.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:57 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • I relocated. It was hard.I got pregnant right away and my whole life changed. Your kids are young. Think long and hard. If your life will be for the better, go for it. Your kids will appreciate it later on. But keep it real. You sound like you have feelings for him otherwise you would not ask this question. I know someone else that did that. SHe loved the new neighborhood and her kids got to make new friends. So be careful.But do it from the heart.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • cgange is good (sometimes) and 7hours is not far in-fact that can be a nice drive either way if you move or if he move, you have to look at the benfit on both parts, if you move way out the pros-and cons, are your childrenn old enough to have an opinnion about the matter, are you willing to change, i will say this recently my husband re-located to Atlanta to go to school, my DD & i did not go for some of the same reason you don't want to go, i am however moving there in January, usally girls want to stay close to there parents, what we forget we are suppose to follow our husbands and trust that they will take care of us and keep us safe as they are suppose to do, it took me about 2 months to realize i can't live without my husband and i want to go and be with him where ever he goes, however you do need to think alot about this and make a choice that you can live with and makes you happy. good luck

    Answer by mememommie at 12:30 PM on Jun. 6, 2009