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Where do i begin to tell my 9, 7, and 6 year old that their dad/stepdad of almost 6 years is not really their dad?! Help.

step parent reveal

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tiffany_burns22

Asked by tiffany_burns22 at 2:34 PM on Jun. 21, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Since all of them are old enough to understand just sit down and talk to them all of you as a group. Maybe just plan a day where you all go do something as a family and then when you get back home just tell them that there is something that needs to be said and let them ask quetions. Just pay close attention to how they react after you have given them this information.
    Mz_Lady1978

    Answer by Mz_Lady1978 at 3:26 PM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • Honestly as someone that has been thru this and knows someone currently in this situation, it is extremely selfish of you to have had them think that that is their real dad. You should have never told them or made them think that. Think about how they are going to feel now, you aren't putting your kids first, you are putting this man before your kids. Even if your kids' real father or fathers are pieces of shit they still should have known. Believe me it is better for them to know right off the bat then to lie to them for YRS. I can't believe how selfish some 'moms' are.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • If he has been a good father figure for most of their life, then he's still their "dad." And you're not a bad mom for not being with the biological father if you have someone who makes your family whole. Perhaps you could start with how babies are made, and let them know that someone else helped you make them, but now their "dad" is helping you take care of them and do all the things their biological dad isn't around to do. That doesn't change the definition of a dad. If you have a close girl-friend you consider like a sister maybe you could use that to explain, that even though you aren't biologically sisters, you still do things for each other that sisters do and that's what's important--not genetics. Be open to their questions and sensitive to how they are feeling, and don't let your emotions toward either "dad" cloud your perception of how this news makes them feel. Good luck!
    bltcahill

    Answer by bltcahill at 5:09 PM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • Remember to tell them that their step-dad came along and loved you all so much he wanted to adopt the kids, chose to, picked them, and is doing a super job.

    Tell them what life was like before he came along. No daddy to mow the grass, wrestle with, go to work and bring home the bacon...
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 7:56 PM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • Tell them as soon as they are able to understand it. My own sister wasn't told that my dad is actually her stepdad until we were already teenagers. He adopted her at birth, but she isn't his. We both found out by mistake and I'm convinced this gave her some serious issues. She was a drug addict for many years and has some major problems. I'm convinced that it has to do with finding this info. out at such a late age and feeling betrayed by my mom for not telling her. There is a nice way to say it, you don't want them finding out on their own.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:53 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

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