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What would you do about your friend like this?

I have a friend whose 20 with three kids. 2,1 and three months. Her husband is a jackass..really...his kid was a month old before he changed a diaper. He hates pulling out and she won't get on birth control so everyone knows there will be more kids, which they don't need at all. She complains about him and how much he doesn't help..he plays WOW constantly instead of taking care of his kids. He open a checking account without her name on it and says it's his money because she doesn't work. There won't be food in their house but he eats fast food for lunch. Her oldest doesn't get enough attention because she seems to favor the girls over the boy. After he second, she started partying all the time and I thought that would stop after her thrid. But no, she started it again recently. Her husband has convinced her to stop bfing and she did also because she wanted to be able to drink .I have no sympathy for her and find it hard

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Jun. 6, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (23)
  • being nice to her about anything anymore. She mainly gets on my nerves. I'm her best friend and I feel bad for feeling this way, but she won't change anything in her life. I don't know what to do anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • I would say continue your friendship with her but let her handle her husband and their household. Offer her support her in any way you can. Maybe they need counseling or something. Their main concern should be the kids that they already have.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Are the kids deprived of food, etc? If so, you need to call CPS!
    LuvBug3

    Answer by LuvBug3 at 12:06 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • all you can do is try to smack her with the reality that he is a total loser. Why would she allow him to keep leaving deposits inside her? Anyone who plays wow, is a total waste.I would leave his ass .....collect child support and find a decent man that can provide properly for her.Is men like that , that make me happy to have my husband.
    guitarmom101

    Answer by guitarmom101 at 12:07 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Sometimes you out grow your friends. At a certain age and point in your life certain things are not okay nor cool to do anymore especially when there are children involved. There is a saying "feed them with a long handle spoon" which mean you can still be their friend (if you want) but do it at a distance.
    momofonewntmore

    Answer by momofonewntmore at 12:08 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • WoW is bad! I played and became addicted - hurt my marriage. I stopped playing and have not missed it! I play Sims3 instead. :-)

    They are both selfish people!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Yikes. I have no idea what to do about the situation aside from just avoiding being around her and her family very often. I know that sounds harsh, but it may be best.
    If you think that is too difficult have you tried talking to her and telling her point blank, no holds barred what you feel and observe on a daily basis? Does she value your opinion or would she just get defensive and mad?
    Why did he convince her to stop BFing? And...birth control can be picked up at the state health departments....for free. Take her a damn sample. It floors me that people can be so careless about having children. It's a HUGE responsibility and should not be taken lightly. We need a license to drive, to teach, even to fish...but anyone can reproduce. They sound like unfit parents and if you really do witness the children not being cared for properly I would advise you to get authorities involved...for the childrens sake.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • she might learn a lession when she grows up and see's kids and family life need attention and come first, and she should open her eyes to her b/f and hopefuly she will see that she needs him to be a dad and a b/f. but she has to grow up first and see whats #1. and what life really means when u have kids, there is no going out anytime, it comes down to food for kids or drinks at a bar. as for his bank account if that were me i wouldnt deal well with that. but i stand up for myself and i have a voice he gets some "allowence" but the money goes to food and bills and a roof over our heads. i wouldnt let her fall on u she needs a fav like a sitter tell her no she needs money for diapers again im sorry but no she will have to give up something to get the baby diapers. a hard life is hard but makes u grow up. good luck...
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 12:12 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • First of all i'm sorry. I dealt with these things when I became a mom. My priorities changed, I was a mom and that was my job. My friends (3 to be exact) just wanted to party all the time (that had kids) for a while I watched them do it but after a while it became to much. I decided they were bringing down and let them go. All they would do is complain about a-hole SO's and what not. I told them finally that if they are not willing to do something about their problems then I would no longer listen. Well after that we all just quit talking. I miss them a lot sometimes but I know at least two are still at it. (its been 7yrs) I know what I did was a little harsh, but my lift is drama free mostly now and that leaves me to be a better mommy.

    Oh and a while ago my sister told me that I needed to start being friends with one of them so I can influence her, I told her I am not her mother. I know harsh

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • OP here. He convinced her because she was giving the baby more attention than him. She won't get on birth control because she says she'll get fat. Which I've explained to her that that's all in her head...She's a good mom, but gets frustrated and doesn't have any help from him and I just don't know what to say anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

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