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Why can't I get over the big G..about everything I do or don't d0?

I have 2 adult dd's 2 teen sons and 2 small granddaughters.I am a sahm so my dds think I have nothing but time for them, one would be over daily which I am close to and love being with my grandd, 2nd dd with a 9 week old is in college.She only comes over to hint of watching the baby while she partys over nite or whatever.I always say yes, then gripe later but do love being with that grandd too.My sons are still in school.when dds they come over they act like they did when they were at home, boss brothers around I want them comf. of course..but they try to act like they r the mama here and that I have nothing better to do then be with them when I won't watch the babies when they want,get upset when I say I have things to do here and don't want to go to their house that day etc..I still have plenty to do even though the boys are old enough to do alott theirselves.I like staying home and doing things cleaning why I feel guilty?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Jun. 6, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (8)
  • Don't feel guilty. You have put in your time already. Tell them you will not continue to be their slave, that you had enough of it when they lived at home. Then set a schedule of when you would be willing to watch you grand daughter and that be it. You DD should not expect you to watch HER baby while she goes out and parties. I would also tell your girls that when they come over they need to act like adults around their brothers and stop acting like they are kids again. And MOST importantly...don't feel guilty for their behavior. You have spent 20+ years raising them and being devoted to them, they should treat you with respect, but you have to set the boundries.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 2:03 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • LOL, they would stop asking if you asked them to pay for babysitting. If you weren't around they would have to pay a babysitter, so why not you especially since they take advantage of it.don't let them do this to you, you deserve better, not to mention its not really your responsibility to take care of their children, its theirs.They need to realize that now before it gets worse, and yes it could get worse.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 3:55 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • you feel guilty bc they make you feel that way. You are taking on their issues. you are enabling them. They won't figure life out if you keep doing things for them all the time. learn to say no so they can learn some coping skills. you are doing them a favor by saying no. Do not feel guilty about helping them learn how to deal with things in life. If they get angry, then so be it. They are using that to manipulate you the way they threw temper tantrums as a child. Ignore it. It's bad behavior so ignore bad behavior.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:21 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • I am all so a grandmother who loves he grandchildren. I had to set rules because if they knew that I was home then they would just bring the kids, drop them off regardless of what I had planned to do. Of course I would watch them and then be angry about it. I was always happy to have them but I was angry that my own kids could use me like that. Be ready if you do stand your ground. My threaten to not let me have the kids and I thought what have I done. My husband told me that they were trying to still control me that they knew and we knew that the kids would rather be with us than anyone else and he was right. I stould my ground and now at least they call and ask if I can watch them. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I agree, tell them to pay a babysitter and see how long they keep your grandchildren from you! Your kids are acting like spoiled kids! If they don't show you anymore respect than what you've said, what are they going to teach your grandchildren about being responsible adults? Do your grandchildren a favor, tell their parents to treat you with the respect you've earned and to kiss your a$$! Just because we love our kids, doesn't mean we have to agree with, and condone, their behavior.
    grovelady

    Answer by grovelady at 4:04 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • They won't change until you do.
    Waxing_Lyrical

    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 4:42 AM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • Oh my goodness I love this because I have 2 dds too that do the same exact thing to me and we still have their 15 yr old brother to raise, they come in all bossy with them..I knew their would be women going through alott of the same things as me but not this close to my problems and issues as the lady asking the question, Im with ya and feel the same way, I have the same problems too,Im just sooo sick of it because I do not work outside the home that everyone assumes Im to be at their beck and call. Has anyone read the book boundaries, its awesome and sums it up in that book but I still go through it.We just have to say no..I know!!! but why I still feel guilt ridden about it.maybe its how I see myself.Since I like to keep a very clean house and dont mind being at home,I feel like im getting punished for it half the time and all I do is work work around here and its constant.Im even going to a counselor cause of it.
    karencrouch

    Answer by karencrouch at 3:47 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • cause they wanna be grown and kids @ the same time. they know ur not gonna tell them no cause you want the kids around. dont feel guilty put your foot down and mean business!!!
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 12:35 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

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