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help! I don't believe in spanking, but my husband does, our son is only 3 years old and he is a very good kid

how to manage this?, I will not tolerate spanking I don't negotiate this, so, what to do?, how to explain this to dh??.
i don;t want any violence in my house,

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Jun. 6, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (4)
  • If you do not believe in spanking and he does, you win.
    Tell him that it bothers you and you will not be raising your
    child like that. Start giving your kids timeouts, just like they do
    on super-nanny lol. When he see that that works just fine, he
    won't care. I think for some guys they want the kids to know
    that they are in CHARGE, and that's the only way they know
    to get it. They think it's respect. but really the kids are just
    afraid. You don't want your kids to be afraid of thier dad.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 2:19 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Spanking is not violence. Child abuse is violence. If you do not want to use spanking as a source of discipline than talk to your husband about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Well, you could come up with a compromise that would practically eliminate the need for spanking. There are certian rules that you must do or it makes spanking ineffective anyway. For us, the rules are: 1)Never spank out of anger/frustration 2) Always have a cooling off period where the child is in their room while you figure out if spanking is appropriate (no threats) 3) The child ABSOLUTELY MUST understand that what they did was wrong before they did it. 4) before the spanking is to actually take place, a discussion as to why you "have" to spank them is required. 5) NEVER hurt the child.
    Basically, it must be viewed as a means of loving discipline or correction, not as a punishment. If you come up with a set of rules for your family, you will probably rarely (if ever) spank. If your husband changes his though process about how to spank, he may even change his mind all together. Continued...

    Answer by squish at 4:47 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Continued...
    You may not even relize it, but you might be making your husband feel like he has nothing to contribute by taking away his form of discipline. Admit to him that you are learning how to discipline too, and that you don't want to do anything that would bother him either. Instead of telling your husband what not to do, try phrasing it like, "hey honey, today I discovered that when Son did this, he responded really well to this" or also tell him when he doesn't respond well to something. That way it shows that you ARE correcting your son, but that you don't have all the answers either. Ask his opinion about how he thinks you are doing. Really try to bring the teamwork together. I know as a former "spanker" that it is in your mind that if you are NOT spanking, then you ARE spoiling. But by gently showing him that that is not true, you'll chang his mind, and gain respect in his eyes.

    Answer by squish at 4:59 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

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