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mil question

Would u let your inlaws see your child if all they did was critize you, your marriage and try to control everything?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on Jun. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Personally no I wouldn't. I'm kind of worried about the same thing myself...I am 30 weeks pregnant and my in-laws have already started over stepping their boundaries with me and my unborn son. They are trying to control everything from what I should name him to what sports he's gonna play when he's older. I have been telling myself that it will get better once he is born and the excitement goes away, but if they don't and still try and act like parents to my son instead of grandparents, they aren't going to get to see him as much as they are going to want. It is very important to set boundaries for others, especially when it applies to your child, and if those boundaries can't be respected, than keeping your child from them might be the only way to get your point across.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 8:06 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • not if they planned on criticizing me infront of my children...nope..but if they plan on being great and keeping opinions to themselves (unlikely i know but possible) then i dont really see a problem..theyre still family and you dont wanna push family away from your children. your children could have a completely different relationship than you do with them.
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 8:17 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Depends on the situation and how they are handling their criticism. The child is apart of their family and should be able to see the baby but if they can't act appropriately (especially in front of the child) I would let them know how I felt. If you've talked to them about your concern and they still continue, i would let them know that you and your child won't be around them anymore.
    princessj05

    Answer by princessj05 at 8:50 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • I can't imagine having in laws like that so I'm not sure what I'd do in that case. However, it's possible I might tell them it's ok to criticize me and my marriage TO ME and DH but do NOT under any circumstances talk about me or my personal life in front of my children. I'd probably also add that if they did, I would not let the child come back to visit. That gives them the control they want (they get to decide how they want to act) and if they screw up then the party is over. It's their choice but you gave them the opportunity.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:56 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • My mil was the kindest person to me. I moved out of state and quit my job and she was the only person that would come visit me when my husband worked the night shift. So any time she had her inlaw ways coming out, I would remember how truly kind and caring she was to me when I had no one that I knew near me.
    bella69147

    Answer by bella69147 at 9:52 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • My MIL has been that kind of person. DH cut her off.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:58 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • I am lucky, I get along with my inlaws. If they were criticizing and controlling then I would set boundaries and they would have to abide by MY rules and MY terms in order to see my children. I would let them know upfront that I will not tollerate their behavior. Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:12 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Im having the same problem and some different one's with the nlaws. they drink and smoke in there house and i dont know what to do? but i wouldnt tell them how you feel...easier said then done....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 PM on Jun. 6, 2009

  • Nope not at all, your the parent and you have the right to choose who does/doesn't see your children. If your MIL can't respect you or your marriage - chances are she's not going to respect you as a parent or the way you choose to parent your child. Actually we cut MIL off for these very same reasons. She felt the need to "control" her grown, married son's life, then tried to "assert" herself as "Mommy #2" when ODS was born. People who have to control everything are toxic.
    Fooph121780

    Answer by Fooph121780 at 1:21 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

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