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daughter and step sons

long story.
last year i got remarried. husband had 3 boys. i have 3 boys and one teenage girl. Well, the mother of step sons decided to get involved and reaarrange parenting plan. difficulties. she tried to make it seem as though her boys where suffering from the 30 minute commute from her house to ours so in order to keep the boys we had to move closer. My daughter was angry and caused problems. 3 months after we moved, the mother decides to move to boston(7 hours away).
Well, this summer my step sons will be coming back. My daughter is angry, and i respect that. Every year during the summer i take my bio children to a special place weve gone to since they where babys. Its our special retreat from all stress. When my daughter found out her step brothers would have to come, she broke down in tears. Now she is refusing to go and has already got her grandmothers permission to stay with her for the month we will be gone. wht2do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on Jun. 7, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (5)
  • You are a family now and she's going to have to adjust just as everyone else is. Do not let her stay with her grandparents as it will just deepen the gap. You're the parent so you are going to have to put your foot down. She may not have as much fun as before but she may get to know her new family more that this is worth it.
    Mommy2Bears

    Answer by Mommy2Bears at 12:09 AM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • try to explain to her that they are now her family too and as such should be treated that way and that means them going on vacation with you guys. and if at all possible maybe try to arrange a little mini vacation with just you and her, it sounds like she wants to spend time with you and is upset that that time is going to be cut, so maybe get a room in town for a night or two and get your nails done or something that is fun for both of you guys.
    as far as her not wanting to go, just keep talking to her about it and hope she changes her mind. i can't tell you what i'd do, if i'd force her to go or allow her to stay with her grandma, do what you think is best there for her and for your family. only you know what that really is
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 12:10 AM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • First of all, "grandmothers permission" is irrelevant. YOU are her mother. If you say she's going, she's going. Secondly, tell her to stop being a baby. She is too old for this behavior and the world does not revolve around her! I know this situation is tough on you and ALL of your kids, she doesn't get to whine and pout to get her way, unless you allow it.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 3:17 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • I agree about her grandmother. She doesnt get to choose. YOU are the parent. I know that shes upset and I do understand, but she shouldnt be allowed to just retreat from the family unit because shes mad. If you believe that marriage is forever, and I hope you do, then you need to begin working to help your daughter see that this is her life now. This is about you finding a mate to spend your life with and your life doesnt revolve around her feelings all the time. Though you are open to what she has to say. Its hard to take on 3 MORE brothers. Thats a lot of boys. Let her know that you and her will create memories just the two of you and promise her some alone time too so that she doesnt feel second fiddle to your new hubby or family. Blending a family is HARD with a capital H. Even in the best of circumstances, its hard. Make her go and keep working at this. One day she will look back and laugh. Help her see the blessings here
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:53 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • Read the book Blended Families. It really helped me. It does not make you Satan to take time away with just your bio children. You were a family unit before all the others were added. My DH and I live by this. I have three, he has one, and we have two together. So we all do things together and then no big deal if we are feeling the need to have time just as we were before we were blended. Do what is healthy for your kids. Don't let her get the idea that the others are not part of her family now, but respect the fact that she may need time with you alone. Having to move because of them must have been cause for some serious resentment on her part, naturally so. Perhaps a family counselor can give you pointers on how to blend sucessfully. Good luck.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:57 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

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