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how upset should i be about my husbands comments?

i dont know if its just me being sensetive, or what. ok, my husband told me yesterday that he was going to a baseball game today, i assumed i was welcome, but no, he said i "cant go, & he would have more fun without me",
that hurt, then im crying& pouting& he tells me "you need a hobby! something to do without me" ouch , im just sad, i dont have many friends, maybe i am just being needy

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:39 AM on Jun. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I dunno what to say to that......I get comments like I cant talk to you and things like tht lol......um well what you should do then is get you some friends and a hobby and then never have time for him right back.....thts prolly what I would do lol......goodluck girl
    thismomrocks4

    Answer by thismomrocks4 at 11:45 AM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • He could have worded things better, but I'm sure that he just meant that he needs his space and his time with his friends. I can see why your feelings are hurt. I can see his point of view too though. Just tell him to choose some better words next time!
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 11:47 AM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • My husband has never said that directly to me but will say, do you really want to go? in a voice that I know means, I will have more fun if you are not there. Which most of the time I am really fine with. If you don't have a hobby that you do without him maybe you should find one. I really think that in a marriage that you should be best friends and do things together but at the same time best friends need space at times.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • The way he said it was cruel, but should be a wake up call to you. He's finding you to be a downer and as a woman, mother and wife, you do need to have friends outside of him and a hobby/purpose/passion in life outside of him and the kids. You shouldn't depend on a man, even if he is your DH, to entertain you. And, if you do start going out and he won't watch the kids, remind him that in order for you to have a hobby, you need to have time to do it without the kids.

    nwdeserangel

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 11:56 AM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • I have never had my husband say anything like that to me, but we have only been married for four years, so I am sure I will get it eventually,lol. Maybe he is right, maybe you do need a hobby. Even though he didn't state it very tactifully, I would take the oppurtunity to work on myself, and find something that I love to do. Everyone needs space, even in marriage, and having something that you are passionate about seperate from him, could really imporve your relationship. I would take what he said with a grain of salt, and assume that he cares enough about me, to think I need some time to myself, lol. Good Luck!
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 12:03 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Yeah guys (and girls too I suppose!) can suck with words sometimes. He definitely should have taken your feelings into consideration before speaking, but I do agree that you should each have your own separate friends and interests when you're married. But what I do think is that when you are married, if there are other couples getting together, you and your husband should BOTH always be invited. If he is just hanging out with the guys or you are just with your girlfriends then that's fine though.
    MamaApril2

    Answer by MamaApril2 at 12:08 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • well i think he may have been a little insensitive...but take advantage of the fact that he would be encouraging of you having an activity to call your own. i love some days on my own or just days with my son without my SO. and it used to hurt my feelings when he would do things without me...but he would give me a hard time when i wanted to do my own thing. now, we are at a point where he does what he wants and i do what i want and we meet back on the couch later on...it feels so much better. we have alot more to talk about...and less picking at eachother. im always looking for a mommynight...which doesnt consist of clubbing bc that can become an issue...but we settle for things like meeting up for dinner and drinks and spend about 3-4 hours talking about the kids, sex, bills. really, just what consumes our lives. you said you dont have many friends, so you just invite one person and tell them to invite one more and so on...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Men need their "male-bonding" time without the ladies being around. My husband likes to go fishing and work on his boat or go up to the cabin with his uncles or friends. I think that perhaps he could have said things differently and it would not have come across so harshly. You should try to find a local group or try to meet some of your neighbors. Find something that you enjoy ding, whether it be reading, walking, watching movies, exercising. Something that you can do for yourself that helps to pass the time and relieve stress. I used to want to tag along everywhere with DH, but we now let each other have their space and things are so much easier. Less stress and we enjoy our time together that much more. Chin up darlin and best of luck finding something you can enjoy. And...you should be able to leave him home with the kids to go out with a girlfriend or 2 as well. turnabout is fair play. time for yourself is important.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Well that was very rude of him! If he did not want you to go he could have been nicer about it. Maybe you should find a hobby or find things that you like to do. Then when he wants his 'alone' time you have something to do also.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:00 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

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