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What would you do? (mother problems)

Last night we went to my parents house for dinner. My mom usually watches my 2 1/2 yr. old from Tues. night (we take him over right before bed) through wed. During the day I am at work and in the evening on wed. they take him to church for the kids program and then bring him home. Anyway, last night she asked me if I could get his hair cut by wed. He does have longer, shaggy hair. It gets in his eyes but we just brush it away. We had planned not to cut it at all but DH's sister felt the need to cut him bangs about 8 months ago which prompted the first hair cut because it looked like he had a mullet, whole other story. Anyway, my parents have somewhere to go on wed. and she is embarrassed to take him with his long hair. She said it looks like his parents do not care about him. So, I guess this tues/wed he isn't going to her house. I am half tempted not to send him at all again. (cont. below)

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Jun. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • I feel that she is being very shallow. She takes him to church every wed. so now that she is going where there are strangers it makes a difference in how they perceive him? What would you do? Would you stop sending him all together?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • No, I wouldn't stop sending him altogether.This is your Mom and to make a big deal out of a haircut is too much. Does he need a haircut?

    Answer by Kat122 at 11:50 AM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • i wouldnt stop sending him, but i would see how HE feels about HIS hair. if he likes it, tell her that. and if he doesnt, get it trimmed a little bit. my son is almost 2 and everyone tells me to cut his hair- but um no, i dont want to and he is my kid. and i would maybe talk to her about how she shouldnt care what other people think of his appearance. thats one way to create either a very self concious child or in the opposite direction, a judgemantal one...and tell her you would like to find a happy medium and have your child be neither. kids are kids...clean, messy, long hair, short hair...happy kids are loved kids. good luck!

    Answer by brodysmama23 at 11:58 AM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • I agree completely with brodysmama.

    Answer by epoh at 12:08 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • I would tell her "Take him as he is, or don't take him at all. If you choose to take him and he comes back to me with a haircut, there will be consequences". When it comes to your child, YOU ARE IN COMMAND.


    Answer by BaisMom at 12:13 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • I'm another mom who just brushed away my son's hair. YOU'RE the parent. If the child doesn't raise an objection, and there's no health risk, there's no reason why you can't raise your child, dress your child, etc., how you want.

    If it bothers your mother, maybe she should visit another day or she can always tell you that that plan is unchangeable and she is unable to watch your son that day. Woudl it be unfair? Maybe. But so is asking you to change YOUR child when she undoubtedly wouldn't have let anyone else tell her how to raise hers. You obviously have a different parenting style. Don't stop sending him unless she is unwilling and unable to recognize that. And if that happens, then IMO, disagreeing over the physical appearance of a child who's well-loved and -cared for is just sad.

    Answer by NaterbugsMom at 12:15 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • You know, I don't know. I think it's all find to proclaim "He's MY child and I want his hair long!" but you know what? It does look messy. That's the point of the modern "look" is to look sort of messy. So, I see her point. But then again, it's not her choice. It's yours. BUT, she's doing you a favor by watching your kid and she's certainly entitled to how she feels.


    I just don't think this is a hill to die on for either of you. I'd hate to see it escalate to something bigger than it is. It's hair. It grows back should you choose to cut it.

    Talk to your mom calmly. Let her know that you really want to grow it out and that you're sorry she wants it cut, but he's your kid. Understand her point of view, though. You might offer to make alternate arrangements for his child care for that one night, maybe.

    Although, if his hair is good enough for G-d in Church, you'd think it'd be good enough for dinner

    Answer by Avarah at 12:25 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Moms have opinions that's it.. and I don't think that's going out of style any time soon. Keep in mind you're mom will never agree with you 100% of the time why would you let something as silly as a 2 yr olds hair be such a big deal. Your question didn't really say that she refused to take him without a haircut. In the end it's up to you what you do with his hair... so long as you can say he looks clean and taken care of it's not a big deal.

    Answer by mizsaxton at 1:07 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • My mil cut my son's hair once while she was babysitting him, while we attended a wedding. She cut herself and it looked like crap. He had longish hair, and my mil said " She couldnt do anything with his hair." So she decided to cut it.

    I was not a happy camper. I waited until I could discuss the issue calmly. And explained she doesnt get to decide about my son's hair. She apoligized.

    My son decided at 11, he didnt want buzz cuts anymore. And he let his hair grow, and the same gramma who cut his hair. Would yell at people who didnt like his choices.

    Answer by PestPatti at 1:43 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • This is the OP. My is refusing to take him unless I get his haircut. She is doing a me a favor by watching him as a work but she doesn't need too. My parents hardly ever babysit. My mil used to watch both boys on wed (she also watches them on mon and fri) but my mom got the idea about keeping him tues night until wed. Which I was very happy about since he doesn't see them that much. But this is the 2nd time she has gone off about his hair. She doesn't think before she speaks. She has said that he looks like white trash, unloved and homeless. She has threatened to cut his hair herself. She has already cut my 1yr olds hair when she had him for a day. I didn't talk to her for 3 days because I didn't want to say something I would regret. She thought that I would never let her see them again since she crossed the line but since it has been awhile I guess that worry has vanished over time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

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