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do you talk to your SO about this stuff before having kids?

Maybe I am just bored so I have read more today. It seems like there are many moms who are having a battle with their DH about raising the kids. Both from Christians and non Christians. Do you talk about this before you start your family? My husband and I knew our children would be raised in a Christian home.
Were you in agreement from the get go or did you know you would go along something just to avoid a fight? Did things change after you started your family?


Asked by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Jun. 7, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

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Answers (18)
  • When we first got married we were both Catholic and agreed to raise the kids in the Catholic faith and send them to Catholic school. Along the way I had some very bad dealings with our old church and it turned me off somewhat. Then some encounters with some very mean Christians both on CM and IRL turned me off Christianity completely. So now dh and I are not at all on the same page. However, I still respect the promise I made to raise the kids in the Catholic faith. If they choose another path as they get older then that's fine by me as well. What's really funny is that he's still Catholic, but I'm the one who signs the kids up and takes them to religious ed and to youth group and we even make it to Mass occasionally. Dh never goes. It's weird actually, but the kids like the Church and so I keep it up for them until they can take themselves or until they decide on another path.


    Answer by anime_mom619 at 12:23 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I'm Christian. My hubby is not.
    Before I even conceived, I told him I wanted to raise our child in church. I wanted him or her to go to Sunday School and know about the Bible and Jesus, etc. He said he didn't have any problem with that.
    Fast forward to today. My son is two. I don't take him to church yet (not even story time at the library)because I don't think he is old enough to get anything out of it yet. Instead, I have a children's Bible and DVD's at home for him. Once he is around 3-4, I will look for an appropriate program for him.

    Answer by timelessglass at 7:04 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Yeah, we discussed it before we had kids. We also have changed a few things/rules since having them but we always talked about it before changing them.


    Answer by Mama_Kimmy at 7:06 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • I did because I was on fire for the Lord. We aren't were I want us to be but I still have a goal and God is with us and I have confort in that. You have to be on the same page!

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 7:08 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Absolutely we did! From our first date to now!!! Both of our parenting styles are the same and the one thing we weren't on the same level with was I was raised Christian, he was not. He says he would prefer our child raised in a christian home, so that was easily agreed with! Otherwise our opinions were the same when he even had an opinion. We still talk about it!

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 7:10 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Dh and I had many conversations about religion before we were even married, and more once we were. He was agnostic/Deist then, and I was fairly conservative (yet unorthodox) Christian who leaned toward Torah observance. It was really important to me, so we had lots of discussions about it, and he was fine with me raising the children Christian, and there were areas where we knew there would have to be give and take but there were no surprises. 8 years later and neither of us is the religion we started out LOL -- still not the same theology, but there is zero conflict. I'm Pagan and he is Taoist, but united in the ways that are important. And we both are committed to raising them in the Unitarian Universalist church, and the details of their spirituality they'll decide on their own.

    Answer by Collinsky at 7:11 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • I am Pagan, Eric is Agnostic.  Honestly we didn't talk much about religion and didn't go into extensive details about how we would raise our kids BUT we were best friends for well over 18 years BEFORE we started dating.  We have run into a few very minor snags but nothing minor in fact I can't remember the details.  If there is something we don't completely agree on when talk about it and come to some sort of compromise.


    Answer by anetrnlov at 7:17 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • My problem is that I WAS a christian 10 years ago when I met my husband, but a few years later became an Atheist. What we had discussed about raising the kids in the church and being baptised was now no longer agreed upon. After arguging a little about it, I decided to go along with whatever he wanted because I felt it wasn't hurting anything and it made him happy. Just because you talk before marriage does not mean life is going to be peachy keen and go your way. Things happen...

    Answer by IhartU at 7:34 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Shoot. That should be 11 years, not 18. LOL

    Answer by anetrnlov at 7:37 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • We talked about it from our first date onward as well. We are both Christians and it is very important to both of us to raise our children in the Christian church. Our faith has only gotten stronger over the years.

    Answer by BethTTC at 8:11 PM on Jun. 7, 2009