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Any advice for getting over a breakup?

I just can't seem to do it. I can't get over him. We broke up 2 months ago and we've tried to be friends since. It was working but I can't seem to get over the fact that the night he moved out he was with another girl. He apparently told her he loved her and they were dating. It hurts so bad. I know for a fact that he doesn't love her but he won't cut her out of his life. I think that I should be more important than her. If I ask him to cut her out of his life, even if they are just "friends" and he's already broken up with her, than he should do it. It shouldn't be an issue. I just don't know how to go on. Any advice? I tried to talk to him tonight about some things but when I asked his opinion he says that i'm not "owed" that. He doesn't "owe" me a conversation? I think that's fucked up.

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keb7

Asked by keb7 at 9:13 PM on Jun. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • dont torture yourself with getting him back. if he's "moved on", he's moved on. it has only been 2 months so of course your feelings for him are still very strong and from what it sounds like it will take a while to move on, but do one day at a time. if you force him to leave the new woman he might cheat
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Sounds to me like you are caught up in a vice of manipulation! If he is not with her and doesn't love her, why did he move out to be with her? Stop being friends with him. You need a clean break so you can think clearly. Give yourself some space. Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy waiting for him to chose. You will only find out how he really feels if you cut him OFF - really off, no phone calls. Right now he knows he can come back any time he wants, no matter what he even says about that other girl. Find a bunch of things to occupy your time as it may not be easy at first. But you are still on the hook, after two whole months! You owe it to yourself to be free to find someone worthy.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 10:09 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • hopelessnance I actually kicked him out. I think that it was a huge case of emotional abuse. Don't get me wrong. I don't think that he's a bad person and I'll never say that. But when he was drinking he'd say thinks like "You were cute when we met but then you started eating" and that he cheated one me. He was just an unhappy person although he wasn't working, cleaning, cooking... etc. I just didn't feel i was treated good. But I knew that he loved me. Even if he said those shitty things. So... I kicked him out. I thought that it was something that I had to do. Now I kind of regret it.... kind of.
    keb7

    Answer by keb7 at 10:17 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • You may get angry with what I have to say, but I am okay with that. I am saying this to you because it is what I went through when my SO left for another girl shortly after our dd was born. Okay, you need to get over your pity party. Move on from you "woe is me". I know that you are hurt and you have every right to be, but you can not control what he does and who he has in his life. You need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and look in the mirror. Say to yourself, I am something and I am someone important and special. Then, get some money and buy an outfit that makes you feel pretty and sexy. Then, most importantly, you need to get a friend, or two and you need to go out. Make your ex watch the kids while you go out and have FUN. Flirt, get phone numbers, get free drinks, if you drink, but remember that you don't have to commit. You need to find yourself again. And over time you will heal. Good luck.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 11:28 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Can you just read what you wrote and step back and think about what is going on? Your last sentence describes it all. Why can't you go on? Obviously he is not what you want. Find some other things to do with your time than just thinking about how much you think you care. Do you want more of this treatment? Look forward and think about that guy out there that would respect you and truly love you. It will change your whole perspective. grannywilson
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 12:17 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • You're right k, the first answer does sound like me...
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 11:49 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

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