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How do I get over a husband of 16 1/2 years cheating and walking out on us?

After 16 1/2 years of marriage, my husband was caught cheating and the next day moved in with his "lover". I have a 14 year old son and we never suspected this. He left with no cause except "wanting to be happy". I do not have a clue on what he is unhappy about. He has everything a man could want. A big nice boat, a ome of our own, money in the bank, great jobs, awesome behaved child, and a wife who loved him immensly. He left everything. There was no need for anything in the home or in the relationship that he wanted, it was if he just wanted to go with the new"life" he had made and leave this one behind. How can that be? I am so distraught and sad. I thought my life would end with him at my side, as my husband. I thought he would always be there for me. I am forever changed by this. I need to know what my next steps are going to be like. I have filed and the divorce is unconested. He does not care no matter what the cost .

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:16 PM on Jun. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • YOu are beyond lucky he left! you can start over now! I know< it hurts! trust me, i was with my ex husband for 4 years and the night i had our daughter he walked out on me and left me in the hospital..he went and found a whole new family! i was left with nothing, i gave him everything! BUT KARMA waits in the dark, and by the time this comes back on him, it will be too late, so now start worrying about YOU! take one day at a time, get COLD to him, do not give him the time of day! do not show him weakness, in time it will get easier and you loved once you will and can do it again! look foward to your future, cuz if he can get up and move on, so can you!
    Eveshalloween

    Answer by Eveshalloween at 9:32 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Obviously, he didn't have everything he wanted.

    You allow yourself to grieve the life you thought you had and the life you thought you were going to have. When you're ready, open your mind and explore your possibilities. You have the chance to do something new. Maybe even something you secretly resented not being able to do because you were stuck in your marriage. Live your life and every day it'll hurt a little less. Eventually, you might even find that you want to date someone new. Someone who'll be a better match for you.

    You allow your son to love his father and encourage a good relationship between them. You remember that he's divorcing you, not his son. You do NOT share your anger and bitterness with your child. He's going through his own stuff and doesn't need yours.

    At the end, you are better off, even though you may not know it yet. You're strong and you'll survive and flourish.

    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 10:17 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • He found happiness. If you love him then be happy for him and now you are free to find your happiness. Men cheat bc they are not getting their emotional needs met at home. So he didn't care about the material things. He wanted something from you that you couldn't give and she could. Now you find a man who can give you what you need. Maybe you'll find one who will want you for your house and your boat since you don't seem to offer anything else.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • Wow. That anonymous bitch should shut her trap. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. If his "emotional needs" weren't getting met he should have spoken up. Not cheated on his loving wife. I'm guessing anonymous comment person is probably a homewrecker herself. Be glad you are free to move on and live for yourself now.
    Mich80

    Answer by Mich80 at 11:34 PM on Jun. 7, 2009

  • 11:10 PM you are an insensitive B!TCH. She said  ".......and a wife who loved him immensely."


    That sounds like she had something to offer him to me! And NO, MEN don't cheat because you aren't giving them what they need. Most men cheat because THEY want something new and different, want the forbidden fruit, take their wives for granted, want an ego stroke........ah the list could go ON AND ON and on. It's usually NOT the wife AT ALL. IT'S the men and their corrupt thinking and pure selfishness. VERY rarely is it actually BECAUSE of the wife. Karma is coming for your ass too anon. People as cruel as you will get what they dish out on others.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:57 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

  • I'm so sorry. My dad did the same thing to my mom when my sister and I were young. My mom was beyond devastated. She sought counseling for herself because she needed to learn to be strong for my sister and me. She used her counseling sessions to grieve so my sister and I would not see her cry. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for her, but she definitely put my sister and I first and put on a strong front for us. I was young and refused counseling, but in hindsight I wish I had gone. I carried a lot of hurt and anger for too many years before I finally decided to forgive my dad.

    So my advice... Look into counseling for yourself (and your son), lean on friends and family for support, and be strong for your son (or try as hard as you can). And take him to the cleaners. I know that sounds bad, but too often the standard of living goes up for the man and down for the women and kids. Don't let him screw you over
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Jun. 8, 2009

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